Post op day 17

It's been 17 days now since the operation to remove both my lower legs.  The bandages are looking a little worse for wear and are starting to come apart, don't think there going to last much longer to be honest.  Good job the appointment came through for the hospital.  I have to attend Sunderland Royal on the 16th at the dressing room to have the bandages removed.  Finally I will get to see what the stumps look like and what the scars look like.  This will be the first hurdle for me, making sure the wounds are healing properly and the skin is knitting together and there is no infection. If everything is OK then I will be able to go to the limb centre to get fitted for new legs and the phsysio can begin.  At this point I have no idea if the staples/stitches are going to be removed.  I am worried that it might not be healing and I would assume that if there was some form of an infection that I would be aware  of this by now.

Adult services are coming out on Friday afternoon to asses any help I may be entitled too as well as looking into the direct payments which I will use to pay for taxis, as there is no way I can transfer into our 8 seater car as it is the size of the A Team Van !  Still waiting for the new claim pack from the DLA to arrive so I can re apply for care component, they have told me that it can take up to 2 weeks just for the claim pack to arrive, god knows how long it is going to take to assess.

The blues are starting to hit now and I am trying hard to keep looking to the future and positive side of things. It is strange to think that I was the type of person that was so used to never sitting down, not stopping or taking time out for myself. That is now causing issues for me as I find my self feeling restless, wondering if I have done the right thing, wishing things to hurry up.  I don't know how to relax any more. I don't exactly have a choice of positions to sit in either. If it's not propped up in bed, then its sitting with my legs straight out in front of me in the wheelchair, or sitting with my legs up on the couch. Each day is starting to become the same for me at the moment, with nothing just over the horizon to look forward to. I feel useless a lot of the time as well, watching the kids run around doing things for me in the house and David trying to manage whilst am stuck in this chair.  This is why I went for this operation I suppose, so at the end of the day this is only a short term thing and not for life which it could have so easily have been.
I have achieved a lot this week, trying to put a positive slant on the whole thing.  I have worked out how to use the downstairs toilet, wash my hair, get dressed on my own (well mostly still need the odd hand with certain things),shopping in Asda and Shopping in the Town.  My sleeping has gotten slightly better and don't need so many pillows now and have also managed to get onto my side for short periods of time. The muscles in the back of my legs are cramping all the time and it is not the stump end as such that is hurting but the back of the leg.  It is tender to the touch and what is left of the leg is going into spasms which hurts a lot.  David thinks that it could be the muscle that is no longer going to the calf and feet shrinking or wasting away, all I know is that it is bloody painful !