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Sunday, 27 December 2015

THAT IN-BETWEEN STUFF

Christmas means different things to different people. To most it's supposed to be a time with family, to have fun, over eat and be jolly. What about the people it effects differently? The lonely, the people dealing with mental health issues and depression and the homeless.

Loneliness and depression effect different people in different ways. Having recently been diagnosed with depression this month and being put on anti depressants it is not something I would wish on anyone. Things just got on top of me and found it really difficult to cope. Between my health getting worse, issues with my heart, cancer scare and dealing with my dads dementia diagnosis's it all become too much and I ended taking time off university. It can be a very debilitating thing to experience. Feeling disjointed, empty, everything looks grey and muted.

The anti depressants that I have been put on for the last month are duloxetine. The main problem I am having with them is the drowsiness during the day and the limb pain. A night time is horrific. The phantom limb pain feels like a cross between pins and needles /numbness and electrical firing with small shards of glass digging into my legs. This feeling goes up from the end of my stump all the way to just below my knee.
Due to this, since starting the anti depressants I have yet to have a good full nights sleep which is draining to say the least.

I also hate to admit that I have to acknowledge how much the pain killers actually do help after running out of them this festive period. I suppose like most people I thought that I would be better off with out the pain killers, that they would be easy to give up if I wanted to because, hey what good did they do anyway? They didn't take the pain away, in fact taking smarties would have more use..so I thought. Like I said it wasn't until I went with out them all together for the last 4 days that I actually found out just how much of the pain they did dull. They might not take all of it away but they sure as hell tone it down. I felt like a junkie gagging for a fix when David came back with the prescription from the chemist.
On top of the phantom limb pain there was the bone pain, knees, elbows, back, hips and wrists with the arthritis not to mention the swelling and pain in all the joints such as fingers, neck etc, nerves, skin itching and sensitivity of the skin which is due to the Fibromyalgia...Yea fun festive season. However this didn't stop me from enjoying this Christmas, although it feels like it went really quickly. I was even brave and ventured into the town (which is unknown to me during the month of December full stop). This did not help the stress as on top of it being busy, the festive spirit in people seemed to be non existant. If you only got as tall as their waists as you where more seen as being in the way and I swear if I had to hear one more person tut behind me or loudly complain that I was in the way and they couldn't get where they wanted to be instantly, I would have went on a rolling rampage ! You would think if they had mouths big enough to complain very loudly to their shopping companions, they could open them to say "excuse me".
However in the New Year am at the chronic pain clinic and the cardiologist so lets see how that goes.

Despite all of this I have tried to stay positive and it helped that we where awarded a grant from Starbucks redcupcheer campaign. I know it sounds sad but I was so excited to find out The Psych Twins had won the money, I was bubbling with excitement.  We managed to speak to Sun FM who agreed to deliver some bags of shopping to a food bank for us on Christmas Eve. So the poor long suffering husband had to do the shop at Asda  and get the bags down to the radio station. We have also been able to help Age UK in Sunderland by putting hampers together for the New Year for them and Centre Point in Sunderland who support 16-21 year olds who are homeless, who we are going to buy things for again in the New Year.

So as life ebbs and flows around us so my life has it's usual ups and downs, and this festive period as been a variety bag of plus and minuses. The downside being the pain and depression but the up side being the good deeds we are going to be able to do for people and the help we can give through The Psych Twins. Michael and Georgia have been up for the week which was another huge plus and there are lots of things on the horizon for both The Amputee Diaries and The Psych Twins in 2016 but also more medical issues.

Stay strong and be true to yourselves and I wish all my readers a happy and safe New Year and look forward to blogging for you all in 2016 what ever it may bring my way I will make sure you are the first to know.

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