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Saturday, 17 March 2012

FEELINGS

It could only happen to me.

Returned home from work to a phone call from the hospital to say that they may have misdiagnosed me and my leg may be broken !! can you believe it. So yet again I had to tell work that I couldn't come and as I explained it to them it did occur to me that I wouldn't believe me.  This is on top of being off  for week due to the fall, then a weekend of food poisoning, Trinity walking into a lamp post and having the Monday off for OT.
So off I trundle to the hospital had the x rays re done and leg looked at again to be told that what they thought was a break was in fact my old Bike accident scar from the 1980's.  Got to love the health service.

On a more serious note however they told me that the soft tissue damage is worse then they thought and they have no idea how this is going to effect me for walking again.  I have been referred to talkani to take a look as they may be some more cracks in the cut point of the amputation. Also spoke to the Freeman's who have told me that they will have to see how bad the nerves have been damaged and that will determine if I can wear prosthetics.

The Hyundi is also up for renewal soon so at the moment looking around for a new car. Can't get a WAV as thanks to the government I no longer have my DLA for life, so instead we are looking at a car from Nisssan.

Have also found out that my ex employer has slated me in a reference to my new employer saying that I was difficult, hard to manage, didn't get on with other staff and wasn't flexible. I was devastated.  So have explained everything to my new employer but my job could still be on the line as it is subject to a good reference.
Just lately all of this has been getting at me .  Some of  you may be aware of this if you are following me on facebook or twitter.  I admire anyone who has to live there life full time in a wheelchair.  It hasn't  even been a year yet and am ready to quit.  Just trying to do the simple things like cook, clean or  even sit a desk or table  is difficult never mind shopping, washing getting ready and getting around.
Going to work is a nightmare. So tired. It's not easy the ramps are steep and the toilet is on the ground floor, through two buzzer doors,  I am on .the 3rd floor. All I want to do is concentrate on getting better, loosing the weight, doing the physio and walking again but that's not to be.  If I don't work David has no business, the kids have no life and there is certainly  no Florida holiday. It seems to be that every time I try to do something to better our life, fate or the cosmos comes along and kicks me in the face.  Feeling so low at the moment. I try not to winge but I hate seeing my reflection in mirrors or when I go past windows. No matter how hard I try or how much effort I put into getting ready I still feel a mess and guess I look it too. I hate this chair. I am terrified am going to be stuck in this for life or that am not going to be walking by the time the holiday comes around ( if we get there).

Things suck at the moment

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