Sunday, 17 May 2015


Still have no trainer to get me into shape for the Great North Run in 2016 so it looks like am going to be kicking my own arse for it.
Went to get weighed so I could have an idea of my starting weight . SO not happy! 21st 11lb. What happened? So have bought Asdas version of Slim Fast . finding it difficult but persevering. My snacking has stopped so have the biscuits and coffees ,but yes you guessed it , not so much the crisps which are my nemesis. Not crisps really these Fish n Chip biscuit things, really bad addiction to them but managed to cut down to only having them twice this week instead of every day so YEAH go me!
Re started my physio in a morning as well as light weights for my arms ( apparently exercise is supposed to help Fibro....still waiting for that one to kick in), sit to stands from the wheelchair to strengthen my legs and back. Had my first go on the treadmill as well. Worried I was going to fall flat  on my face but it went OK so starting that from next week.

So what has this last week brought me? lots not all good either. Took part in a study for a student at Oxford University which was really interesting and glad I did that. I have had an article published as a personal story for this blog in Disability Today which is an online site and there is the possibility of talking to new students in the new term taking on the level 0 of Psychology. this is to share my experience of the course, explain what happens at University once you get there, such as volunteering, society's and what to expect as well as doing Q&A sessions with them.
Mikey came home from Stafford University last Tuesday which was great.The kids are really happy to have him home as are me and his dad. Bless at the moment he is relegated to the couch as we have no room for him but when the summer holidays start anna is giving up her room for a while for him. Tylers SATS went well and he quite enjoyed them..strange boy and Anna has her prom this weekend so handbag and shoe buying was on the cards this week as well as booking the salon for her hair and nails.

Now the not so good news. Got a letter back from DWP and I have an assessment with ATOS on the 3rd of June. This should be interesting. They have asked for all my tablets and aids.... no room in the car for everything I need for help on a day to day basis and even if there was the assessment room would not be big enough. Worried about attending, people keep telling me that they should be no reason why I would lose it but hey this is the DWP who can say what they are going to do. I have heard stories of people who have lost the money and worse then me.Losing it would have a huge negative impact on my life and make me more of a recluse then I am already. At the moment other then Uni and drs/hospital appointments and possibly one day a week in the town I do not go out. I socialize....well ....I don't really. People tend not to ask me too and when David and I do get to go out to the pictures it is once in a blue moon to be honest.
Ended up at the Doctors as the Tramadol is no longer working and have been given more tablets to take along side the paracetamol and the Tramadol which are Nefopam 30mg. Have to start off on one tablet a day then slowly increase until am on 3 a day. So far experienced  a bad stomach, nausea and a slight euphoric feeling but no help with the pain. The doctor has told me that eventually, whether I want to or not , I will have to go onto the hard core tablets full time. That means not being able to function during the day. Not sure what impact this will have on my plans but hopefully I can stay off them long enough to carry out what I want to do.
Also having to have a blood test and an ultra sound on my underarm as they may be a lump. The worrying thing is that Cancer is big in our family my sister and niece have both been affected in various ways including breast and cervix cancer and my mother died of cancer of the stomach. Better to be safe then sorry I suppose but it is still worrying times. Also having to get in touch with the Genetics center at Newcastle to see if am predisposed to it. Still awaiting an ultra sound on my stumps about narrowing veins and hospital appointment to have my neck, shoulders and back checked out . Not good times.
could not talk to the doctor about every thing I need to as my anxiety and depression my be on the raise again but I had not made a double appointment and was told I would have to go back another time to discuss them. On top of all of this my dad has to have an MRI on Monday as he may have a form of dementia. The thing is he is now getting abusive to my older sister Maureen, but does not even know who I am...don't know which is worse to be honest. How would you feel if you mother was dead and your father did not know who you where and just thought you where some strange women?

To round the week off went into town on Wednesday and when in HMV was treat like a child by the sales assistant. I was so embarrassed that I honestly did not know what to say. I thought I had gotten over the whole self conscious thing and feeling insecure, lack of self confidence,but the way this woman treat me has really made me feel that way again, Its surprising how one little thing done or said that might not have been meant as anything in particular, or not even a conscious thing by the person, can have such a huge negative impact on some one.

However lets end this on a good point. Showmasters got back to me and they have refunded Davids tickets as they do carers passes and have sent me an email with all the information on  that will help me with getting around Comic Con in London ! So much help am over the moon and it has really stopped me stressing about going out of my comfort zone. Now am just looking forward to it. Still not sure to cos-play or what as so any thoughts on this would be great.

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