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Thursday, 13 August 2015

DARK DAYS AND THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL KEEPS MOVING AWAY..BUT HOPEFULLY NOT FOR MUCH LONGER

So we are now half way through the summer holidays and my insucruities are starting to kick in every so often.

I am having days of feeling very down, criticizing myself for not being able to do things or lose weight. Disgust crosses my mind on those days when faced with my reflection and the day seems to be darker all of a sudden. There is the whole "need to be out get me out" cabin fever days but more the " I dont want to leave the bedroom never mind the house " kind of days. I can't be the only one who thinks that maybe having their amputation might have been the worst thing they did as it has took their life away. Watching the kids going out and socializing during the summer,friends being out and about and even the hubby being out most days doing his own thing at the gym and being pestered to go out socially, it hammers home more then ever just how isolated I am due to the wheelchair and the amputation.
Friends have drifted away, even the ones I thought would be around for life. With the end of University seems to have come the end of my social/outside life. I find my self comparing myself to every one and find myself lacking in all departments. Just as I seem to feel better and because these days are far and few between there does seem to be light at the end of the tunnel. Although some days I wonder if the goal posts are being moved on me or just the light at the end of tunnel is the one moving. However I remember the self help techniques from my CBT which help when these days attack. Things like slow breathing, mind over matter and my mantra when meditating of convincing my self that I can do this, I am worth it. These are things that I will keep battling with and will battle with as am not one for quitting on anything

As if having 4 kids ranging from 6-11, a 16 year old on and off stroppy teenager and a 21 year old isn't enough to keep me on my toes (excuse the pun), then I in my infinite wisdom decided to take on more things.
The Psych Twins are moving all steam ahead which is great and we have had the promotion with the young carers and the cosplayers for the event in October, but still no word on when it will be in the papers.
The Psych Twins where also invited to a networking event at The Stadium of Light in Sunderland for the start of the new season. This was a great opportunity to put our name out there and make connections for future charity events and fundraising as well as what we do. We have also completed the paper work for registering as a charity so hoping to get that  submitted with in the next couple of weeks. We now have business cards which is all very exciting..well to me it is.
And as if this is not enough I have also started a CBT Diploma online which am hoping to complete before returning to University in the middle of September. Once completed and as long as I pass then I will be able to practice in CBT which will be good as well. And there was a great surprise waiting in my in box yesterday as well, The Amputee Diaries have been given a press pass for Film and Comic Con Glasgow next weekend. This means that I will be able to go and do a full review of the venue, see what Showmasters put in place for disabled people and families as well as interviewing staff and stars on their opinions and thoughts on disability and events like these.

Then I find out on top of all of this that my dad has been diagnosed with dementia. With my health being the way it is I am unable to help in his care which means everything is left to my older sister to take care of. However we are not sure that it is dementia as his bloods have come back inconclusive and an x ray has shown a large mass on his lungs/ chest. Not expecting good news from that one.

As they say it never rains but it pours. The light at the end of this dark tunnel will be hopefully coming in to focus and stop moving away from me. Passing Uni was a relief and a blessing and am really looking forward to getting back. It will be good not just for the interaction and leaving the house but also to be just Jen and not mam. Lets hope things are slowly going to improve. Watch this space.

If any thing in this blog effects you then please get in touch if you wish to talk or we can help in any way.

The Psych Twins Websitethepsychtwins.bravesites.com

Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/psychtwinsfundraising

Event page   https://www.facebook.com/events/417935758373799/

Tickets http://www.jumblebee.co.uk/ticket/trvDZTEUem/detail/id/508

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