The thing I hear the most often is how am an inspiration. That's good, am glad. To have some one to see you as the reason that they get up in the morning, or push themselves that little bit harder or further, to know that when they think they are at the edge of their limits and can not take anymore or no longer fight, to know that because of you and what you can do helps them to keep going that little bit longer, to fight that little bit harder.
What I don't understand are the number of disabled people out there that don't like being told their an inspiration to some one. They feel that in some way it belittles them and their disability and what they live with. Why? If because of the fight and struggles that I have to go through to do what I do, not just live day to day but go above and beyond my limitations, that makes just one person stop and say " I can do this, if she can ." or " maybe my life isn't so hard" and it puts things in to context for them before they spiral out of control down the rabbit hole, why wouldn't you want to help?
As unpopular as this might make me, some people with disabilities are too hung up on their disability, they let it define them, control them and they have deeper issues to deal with themselves, such as coming to terms with what has happened to them. Yes life is unfair, yes its terrible that it is you who ended up the way you did and you never got to do this or you got cut off in your prime or you feel some how that you have had your life that should have been snatched away. That is no reason to make other people squirm, feel uncomfortable or worry what they say to you, is it?
There is another thing. What is with this whole "don't use this term" or " don't label me as this". I have news for you, the only one discriminating with the language or labeling is you. If you did't make a big song and dance of it people wouldn't think about it. Now people tread on eggshells whenever they see some one with a disability or in a wheelchair terrified of speaking to them or helping them or even holding a bloody door open for them just in-case they offend that person or get their heads ripped off. Trust me I was born with Congenital Bilateral Talipes, at a time when children with any form of disability physical or mental was put in a home or special school.
My mam fought the system for me to attend a main stream school. I grew up In an age when there was no rights for disabled people, no adaptations nothing. You would walk down the street and have people look at you in disgust and cross over, spit at you, and am talking about grown adults not kids...this is what I grew up with from the age of 8 / 9 years old. Name calling in the street, people moving there kids away from me or not letting them sit next to me on the bus in case they "caught" something. By the time I left school in the mid 80's getting a job once you showed them the bloody registration green card to prove you where registered disabled, one of two things happened. You where either hired straight away as they needed to get their minority figures up (got to love the government for there bloody stats. See they where always target driven pen pushing idiots), even if you could't do the damn job or you where too much of a liability and would take too much time off .
At least now we have things in place that doesn't allow that. But hold on? Isn't that exactly whats happening now? Could it be because we have got too far up our own arses about our rights we are now making it easy to be villianized by the government making employers think twice? Making people see us as nothing but scroungers on the system? You know how they like their scape goats. Am sure I also heard something in the news about a card system so you can register as disabled? funny that isn't it?
Over the years I have managed to fit in one group or another that has been villianized by the government, media or the public in general. Hell in fact now I see how many I can fit into in one go.
It started off with being disabled, then it moved onto large families, if you had more then two kids you where getting pregnant for the money..I have six , worked with every single one of them. Every-time I had a child I got a better paid job.
Been told four times am not fit to work. Now am working towards a degree and starting my own business because I have become unhireable due to my health issues. Then it was because am obese. That made me a target to be fat shamed, ridiculed ( good job i was used to that from being a kid, god knows I might have actually been offended) and again labeled as a scrounger because due to no fault of my own I became over weight. Nothing to do with having six kids, two amputations, being stuck in a wheelchair or the medication that makes you gain weight, hell don't even think about the health conditions themselves that make you balloon up!
Wasn't there even that half baked woman who thought she was famous because she was mouthy, made videos on you tube like millions of others? thought it was acceptable to "fat shame", that's right she wasn't half as famous or untouchable as she thought she was as she got her ass canned by her company.
Unless you are overweight ad a not talking about a "pot belly" or carrying a few extra pounds, am talking about carrying the upholstery of a sofa like me, then you have no idea what you have to deal with, you don't need some one mouthing off on how disgusting you are, how much of a mess you look, how you make them feel sick when they look at you. Do you not think we feel the same? I know I do. Every day I struggle to make myself look good, or at least so people will not think I look a mess or feel good. Every day I feel the stares just off me being larger then most, the whispers (although it makes a change from the stares and whispers about the legs or the wheelchair) The consent battle to find clothes, nice clothes, clothes that make you feel like a women and you are not wearing a tent. That's not to mention the fact that instantly you are de sexualized. Men /women no longer flirt with you, say nice things about you or to you in fear that they will be called by their friends for being a "chubby chaser". Every women , regardless of age, size,ability or marital status wants to feel attractive, to be told the're attractive, to still be desirable.
But that doesn't happen, you fall into those categories then you become invisible. You watch every body else being flirted with, having fun being told how beautiful they are and the most you get if you are lucky? One of two things. A) shame a pretty girl like you is stuck in that( or some version of that where your looks are disfigured by the wheelchair/ disability) or B) you don't sweat much for a fat lass. Hell am totally screwed, good job am married to a man who loves me for me really as you couple the weight with no legs (often seen as a fetish ) and in a wheelchair I would be a non person on the dating scene, unless I was picked up by some one who had a fetish for one or all three of those things. Then again I was once asked to do photos for an amputee fetish site and still got insulted by being told " your not the normal size they like, your a bit big really but am sure they are men out there who are in to bigger amputees who might see you as beautiful...... ". Me and my husband have actually lost count over the years how many times we have been asked if he was a devotee and is that why he married me.
Yea go figure !
Then came the disabled (again). The disabled need their benefits cut, disabled are all pulling a fast one. We are all layabouts who don't want to work and make all the hard working, tax paying people of this country sub us. Yea I admit there are people out there who say they have a bad back and can't work who then get up a ladder to tile a roof or lay a carpet, (obviously not whilst up a ladder..but hey who knows). But that's a very small amount compared to the millions who really do need the help. I have worked since leaving school at 16. When no one would hire me due to my disability I went on training programs. I would write a 100 letters a week for jobs. All I wanted was for people to give me a chance and that's what it feels like am having to do all over again. Justifying why am not working, why I chose to have six kids, why am overweight, justifying why I wont get annoyed about labels and terminology people use to me. Get real. I have bigger problems the worrying if some one is taking the piss out of me by holding a door open, in fact am grateful !
I tell you what gets my goat. People who are bitter about their lot in life. People who can't see past their own hatred and bigotry, People who tell me that I can't call myself something or use a certain phrase in connection with myself. Why? if I want to say that am wheelchair bound how does that effect you? If I want to make a joke and say I haven't got a leg to stand on, tell me how is that offensive to you? Am taking the mick out of me, I can do that if I want. I really do not need you to think or make my decisions for me. You know whats EVEN worse then that? When it's some one who is not disabled..sorry able bodied? bipeds? sorry not sure of this weeks new PC term, or some one who has recently became disabled and has not had to live their whole lives like that. Normally (and am not saying all before you try to lynch me), they would have no interest, concern or reason to look into how disability terms are used or how people are effected by it. Then by some unfortunate stroke of fate they find themselves in that situation. All of a sudden how you are "labeled " becomes a big deal. Believe it or not am just as guilty for it. Before the amputation I had no idea what life was like for some one who used a wheelchair all the time. How much it impacted on the day to day things not just for them but for their friends and family. Now I do, but that hasn't stopped me from living my life trying to inspire others to push their limits.
Nor has it stopped me from being the most un Politically correct person you will ever come across and long may I reign.
(If you find yourself effected by any of the above issues and need to talk, you can get in touch with me at thepsychtwins.bravesites.com or through our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/psychtwinsfundraising/?ref=tn_tnmn)
As unpopular as this might make me, some people with disabilities are too hung up on their disability, they let it define them, control them and they have deeper issues to deal with themselves, such as coming to terms with what has happened to them. Yes life is unfair, yes its terrible that it is you who ended up the way you did and you never got to do this or you got cut off in your prime or you feel some how that you have had your life that should have been snatched away. That is no reason to make other people squirm, feel uncomfortable or worry what they say to you, is it?
There is another thing. What is with this whole "don't use this term" or " don't label me as this". I have news for you, the only one discriminating with the language or labeling is you. If you did't make a big song and dance of it people wouldn't think about it. Now people tread on eggshells whenever they see some one with a disability or in a wheelchair terrified of speaking to them or helping them or even holding a bloody door open for them just in-case they offend that person or get their heads ripped off. Trust me I was born with Congenital Bilateral Talipes, at a time when children with any form of disability physical or mental was put in a home or special school.
At least now we have things in place that doesn't allow that. But hold on? Isn't that exactly whats happening now? Could it be because we have got too far up our own arses about our rights we are now making it easy to be villianized by the government making employers think twice? Making people see us as nothing but scroungers on the system? You know how they like their scape goats. Am sure I also heard something in the news about a card system so you can register as disabled? funny that isn't it?
Over the years I have managed to fit in one group or another that has been villianized by the government, media or the public in general. Hell in fact now I see how many I can fit into in one go.
It started off with being disabled, then it moved onto large families, if you had more then two kids you where getting pregnant for the money..I have six , worked with every single one of them. Every-time I had a child I got a better paid job.
Wasn't there even that half baked woman who thought she was famous because she was mouthy, made videos on you tube like millions of others? thought it was acceptable to "fat shame", that's right she wasn't half as famous or untouchable as she thought she was as she got her ass canned by her company.
Unless you are overweight ad a not talking about a "pot belly" or carrying a few extra pounds, am talking about carrying the upholstery of a sofa like me, then you have no idea what you have to deal with, you don't need some one mouthing off on how disgusting you are, how much of a mess you look, how you make them feel sick when they look at you. Do you not think we feel the same? I know I do. Every day I struggle to make myself look good, or at least so people will not think I look a mess or feel good. Every day I feel the stares just off me being larger then most, the whispers (although it makes a change from the stares and whispers about the legs or the wheelchair) The consent battle to find clothes, nice clothes, clothes that make you feel like a women and you are not wearing a tent. That's not to mention the fact that instantly you are de sexualized. Men /women no longer flirt with you, say nice things about you or to you in fear that they will be called by their friends for being a "chubby chaser". Every women , regardless of age, size,ability or marital status wants to feel attractive, to be told the're attractive, to still be desirable.
Yea go figure !Then came the disabled (again). The disabled need their benefits cut, disabled are all pulling a fast one. We are all layabouts who don't want to work and make all the hard working, tax paying people of this country sub us. Yea I admit there are people out there who say they have a bad back and can't work who then get up a ladder to tile a roof or lay a carpet, (obviously not whilst up a ladder..but hey who knows). But that's a very small amount compared to the millions who really do need the help. I have worked since leaving school at 16. When no one would hire me due to my disability I went on training programs. I would write a 100 letters a week for jobs. All I wanted was for people to give me a chance and that's what it feels like am having to do all over again. Justifying why am not working, why I chose to have six kids, why am overweight, justifying why I wont get annoyed about labels and terminology people use to me. Get real. I have bigger problems the worrying if some one is taking the piss out of me by holding a door open, in fact am grateful !
I tell you what gets my goat. People who are bitter about their lot in life. People who can't see past their own hatred and bigotry, People who tell me that I can't call myself something or use a certain phrase in connection with myself. Why? if I want to say that am wheelchair bound how does that effect you? If I want to make a joke and say I haven't got a leg to stand on, tell me how is that offensive to you? Am taking the mick out of me, I can do that if I want. I really do not need you to think or make my decisions for me. You know whats EVEN worse then that? When it's some one who is not disabled..sorry able bodied? bipeds? sorry not sure of this weeks new PC term, or some one who has recently became disabled and has not had to live their whole lives like that. Normally (and am not saying all before you try to lynch me), they would have no interest, concern or reason to look into how disability terms are used or how people are effected by it. Then by some unfortunate stroke of fate they find themselves in that situation. All of a sudden how you are "labeled " becomes a big deal. Believe it or not am just as guilty for it. Before the amputation I had no idea what life was like for some one who used a wheelchair all the time. How much it impacted on the day to day things not just for them but for their friends and family. Now I do, but that hasn't stopped me from living my life trying to inspire others to push their limits.
(If you find yourself effected by any of the above issues and need to talk, you can get in touch with me at thepsychtwins.bravesites.com or through our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/psychtwinsfundraising/?ref=tn_tnmn)
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