Sunday, 30 October 2011

Giant step for me

Well its been a roller coaster of a time recently.

Not sure if it has been mentioned earlier but my sister was taken in for an operation to remove a tumor from her brain, thankfully non cancerous, on top of that my eldest son has taken ill with problems with his kidneys, blood cells and low potassium.  Now this could be nothing just three separate things, but they could also be underlying problems of something a lot more serious so we are keeping our fingers crossed on that one!

On the back of this I have been to the limb center at the Freeman hospital for further fittings.  The liners are made of a silicone material and very strange to put on but once on feel like a second skin, you don't notice its on.
Went recently to try the finished product on with very disappointing results!! Tried to stand from the wheelchair and couldn't even put enough weight through the stumps to get out of the chair. I felt the fear creep over me, when after a further 3 attempts at getting out of the  wheelchair, I was  greeted with pain and failure.
By this point I was so upset and scared that my worst fears had came true and it had all been for nothing and i would not be able to wear the legs and walk.  Julie took me through to another room and we tried again from a raised seat and although I could stand from this I was unable to take much weight through the stumps and tried hard to take  few steps.  The pain was agony!! Julie told me to leave it as my ambulance was there and I refused. So I let the ambulance leave and for the next hour tried very hard to put weight through the stumps and to take a few steps. Eventually i manged to take a few steps, but only by taking 70% of the weight through my arms . As i spent the next 3 hours waiting for another ambulance to take me home and in immense pain I was left wondering if I would walk and what would happen.

In the mean time I have been back to work now for 2 weeks .  At first I felt like a fish out of water and very self conscious but my colleagues and friends have been brilliant and I am glad to be back , the only down side is trying to get help from the government.  In order to go to work I need to use a wheelchair adapted taxi otherwise I would not be able to get in to work. The government will provide this as long as I make a contribution, which is fair enough.  But this is where it stops being fair. My contribution is £130 a month, the extra I get for going back to work is £100 a month leaving a deficit for me of £30.So not only am i currently working for nothing but I am paying for the pleasure to go to work for nothing!  Just  another way the government fails the people,yet they are targeting disabled people on incapacity and DLA forcing them into work, punishing people on low incomes who are trying to make things better and provide for their families while people who are scamming the system, who don't want to work and are happy thinking they have right to chose not to work and be paid for it, get away scott free !!!!

Sorry......rant over...promise.

So this week went back to hospital expecting the worst.  Put the liners on, sat on the raised bed and put on the legs and my mind started racing!!! I reliased that if I thought about it too much it would be as bad as the last time so, putting it out of my mind just took a leap of faith (metaphorically) and went for it .  Pushing myself as much as I could I stood taking only 30% of the weight through my arms and walked! I got half way down the bars and started to feel my legs turn to jelly and my arms shake but was determined to make it to the end .  The bars seem to stretch on forever but got there but reliased that I had to turn around to go back !!! that was scary but made it and walked back although half way back I did think I was going to faint! Again I decided to push myself to the limits and did that another 2 times ! each time it got easier and in the end I was only putting about 5% of my weight through my arms and I was walking without faltering as much. So I was allowed to bring my legs home with me but not allowed to use them until I have the say so from physio but I dont mind .
I know I have a long way to go yet  and a lot of hard work ahead of me but it will be worth it .  I am looking at having the sockets spray painted and get some funky socks to cover the foot and Voila! a totally jen leg !

Now which way to the bar and who's coming clubbing.................?

1 comment:

  1. Two thumbs up Jen!!! :)
    Never doubted that you could/would do it.
    It's really too bad about the government making you spend more than you make to go to work,it shouldn't be that way. Hopefully you'll get away from having to use the wheel-chair adapted taxi very soon! :)