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Wednesday, 5 October 2011

THE WAITING GAME

Not been sleeping so well lately.  Stumps have started to ache and burn as well as the leg muscles jumping, but that is not the only thing that is concerning me at the moment....

Went for my first fittings last week.  The liners are like a second skin, they are how i would imagine a wet suite would feel and fit. Putting the first one on was fine just have to make sure the blue hard base with the screw on it is completely flat against my stump, otherwise if there is a pocket of air it could cause a blister by sucking one out ! ouch!!!!
However went to put the second one on and because we had to push the disc on to the end of the stump the roll the liner up, as soon as we started doing this, i nearly jumped out of my chair in pain.  The agony was unbearable but gritted my teeth and told the prosthetic fitter that every thing was ok, I was too scared that it would delay things again.  Now an sitting here worried that this might be a sign of problems to come. To make matters worse as you may remember just before i went in for the amputation I found out by accident that i had osteoarthritis in both hips,knees and in my back? well things are getting steadily worse.
Now it doesn't matter how long am sitting for , where am sitting, laying down or if am laying on my back or sides am in so much pain...constantly.  Not just the areas mentioned above it has now spread to my shoulders, neck, elbows, wrists and fingers.

I am scared and am not afraid to admit it either. As this condition gets steadily worse it means that  pain killers are still going to be needed and my mobility will still be effected, so everything i have put myself through and put my family through is still going to be for nothing!!!!
What is even more frightening is if the initial pain of putting the liner on ,or worse still, being able to weight bear through the prosthetic on that side, is not possible, well that's the end to my dreams of being able to keep mobile for the kids and myself and  for once in my life to say good bye to pain, pain killers and being different.

Its also the end to my life long dream of being able to wear normal shoes like everyone else, to be able to buy any kind of shoe..hell to just be able to buy shoes!!
Looks life hasn't finished throwing me curved balls yet.

I think the light at the end of my tunnel just went out.........

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