Showing posts with label positive thinking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label positive thinking. Show all posts

Tuesday, 23 August 2016

Discrimination I tick all the boxes aren’t I lucky?

I have often heard the word “discrimination” being bandied about, a lot, in the last ten to fifteen years. I never saw myself as being discriminated against though. Not when I was a child and I had to wear calipers, not as a young adult who had to wear surgical boots. It wasn’t until my last amputation which has ended up with me in a wheelchair due to other health issues, have I felt discriminated against.


Employers discriminate against me, travel companies, friends, strangers, hotels, events, venues, I could go on, and hell even inanimate objects discriminate me!
This is not just because am an amputee but because am in a wheelchair. In fact I seem to tick all the boxes when it comes to people to shame, hate or discriminate against. I am disabled I have no legs and am in a wheelchair, this means am lazy, scrounger, pulling a fast one, unable to hold a conversation, understand what is being said to me or indeed hear ! God forbid I have feelings, like sex, (yes I have been asked that) have romantic intentions, enjoy compliments (other than a pat on the head and a “good girl”, I sometimes feel like either panting and whining like a dog at this point or wheel myself over to a window and start licking it), let’s not forget the looks which are a mix of horror, morbid fascination and surprise when people find out that I am a wife, mother,
business woman running her own company or studying for a degree.
Then you need to add the weight. I must eat everything in sight, it’s my fault am this big, I have let myself go, am disgusting, no one could want to be with me, how can I be married or have children being this old. Now I see this kind of fat shaming all over the place. The latest being a picture going around on the internet of a girl dressed as Harley Quinn with the caption “she must have ate the squad” https://www.facebook.com/Deadpoolisasavage/?hc_ref=SEARCH Mate you’re a dick!! And while am at it https://www.facebook.com/keith.harris.3154284 you are a dick as well. What if we got hundreds of people to comment on a photo, a REAL photo of you and you had a big nose or spots or wore glasses or had freckles. Would you like to have this picture put around the internet with some derogatory comment so that anyone and everyone can have a pop at insulting you or discussing your size and whether or not you should or should not be cosplaying a character? Do people actually have any idea how this makes a person feel?Yes am calling them out on social media, whats good for goose is good for gander so they say. so if it is acceptable to fat shame some on on Facebook then it is acceptable to shame some one for being a dick. I myself am a lot bigger than the person they are insulting and I sometimes cosplay.
It can take a lot of courage and confidence to do some cosplays and I have in the past let my size and my disability dictate my costumes…no more. My weight is not from eating too much, it’s down to the amputation, not being mobile enough or being able to exercise the way I used to, medication am on that causes weight gain, and have six beautiful, highly intelligent children, IBS, Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. So no not pizza, or sweets, although am partial to crisps – but only salt and vinegar though.
Finally add my age. I am past…. Well… Pretty much everything according some people. Having fun, flirting, University, cosplaying, going to events, being a nerd just to name a few. Oh and we can’t forget the best one, the fact I have six kids. Obviously I only had them to scrounge off the tax payer and the state, because, you know I have NEVER EVER worked…yea so the last 31 years must have all been a dream then? Going to work with plasters on after major surgery to my feet, back at work three month after a double below knee amputation, signing on at the dole to look for work whilst waiting for a fitting for new legs, going to interviews with my stump boards on and no legs….I could go on but what’s the point.

Now if you add all of this together, you end up being treat like shit, ignored and feeling inside that you are unattractive, unappealing, waste of space and a sub human, non-sexualized as you don’t count.  
You are left wondering why you bother trying to live your life like everyone else or try to enjoy what others do. You give up trying to make an effort with your hair, makeup or clothes – why should you? No one cares, no one notices you are still treat less than anyone else who puts in less effort.  You are left wondering “ should I starve myself to try and force my body to lose weight? “ or “ who cares, why should I care what I eat any more instead of restricting myself and being good – sod it – am going to stuff my face, makes no difference any way does it? Still going to be seen and treat the same way.

You’re not seen as a person or a women you feel like you are seen as nothing more than a lump in a wheelchair, an inconvenience, someone to either feel sorry for or to ignore because you don’t know what to say are how to react ( for future reference, the same as you do to anybody else who isn’t in a chair !), hey I get it, who the hell would want to be reminded just how fragile life is, that this is something that could happen to anyone at any time on any day. No one wants that shit rubbed in their face now do they.
There are a lot of people banging on about equality in recognising disabilities as not all are visible. I get this, I really do people need to understand that the person using the blue badge may look perfectly healthy but they could just be having a good day, or have some health issue you are not aware about, so it is unfair to say they do not deserve that blue badge and parking space. But I often wonder if it’s not easier having an invisible illness or disability? No one knows unless you tell them. Until that point, or even maybe after that point as well with it not being visible and in their faces, people treat you no different. You’re a woman / man, attractive, a sexual being who likes compliments and being flirted with who is capable and people wouldn’t be surprised if you went to university or got married, had a job or started your own business.

You see, am so used to this crap that most days I can ignore it, but there are days I cannot. This weekend whilst working I could not. In your personal life being treat like that is bad enough, but when it is in your professional life. When you are looked down on and treat differently to all the other professionals who are there for the same reason just because you are in a wheelchair, with no legs. When, for the same reasons, you are blocked from interviews that have already been arranged, that you are made to feel that your business isn’t good enough, big enough or the people you write for are not important enough, that’s bad….real bad.

Monday, 15 August 2016

INSPIRATION

So I have read a lot lately about people with disabilities being other people’s inspiration.  However, this seems to be getting a lot of disabled peoples backs up. There are lots of comments along the lines of how degrading it is, how we are inspiring to others by just living our lives or patronizing it is to be told how “inspiring” they are.

Well for what it’s worth, here is my opinion on it.

I feel quite good about being some ones inspiration to be honest. If what I manage to do can help someone else, motivate them to achieve something or just to keep going. Then good. Am glad. Able bodied or not, I am happy if I guilt you into not complaining or getting up off your arse to do something. I feel elated and ecstatic if I can make just one person say “if she can do it then so can I “.

Disabilities come in different forms, some we are born with and some happen due to accidents and illness, but how ever or whatever has happened to us, it changes our lives in so many ways. I am not afraid to admit that even though I was born with a disability, unless it involved standing for long periods or walking a distance, I never really saw myself as disabled as it did not interfere with my day to day life (unless you count not being able to wear shoes from a shoe shop as my shoes had to be made by the hospital for me).
Since the last amputation however, I now consider myself disabled, as not only does it impact on my day to day living it has a major impact in all areas of my life and everything and anything I want to do. I do struggle to do things like walk around the house, make a cuppa tea, cook a meal, showering, stairs are a complete right off, nights out, shopping, hell getting into and around some shops and premises can be an Olympic sport in itself!


So, yes, if me managing to live my life, getting through the day and doing normal day to day things without help, if holding down a job or gaining a university degree when the odds are stacked against me, which makes things more difficult to do what other people take for granted, helps other people who are disabled to believe in themselves or someone who is not disabled feel more motivated to do something then that makes me happy.

Sunday, 20 March 2016

THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS

Nearly at the end of March already, who would believe it. I still maintain that this year will be my year for things to work and the last two month has just been a practice run. Guess we will have to wait and see.
As you are aware if you have been following my blog ( and if you haven't why not? get reading now!), This year has not had the best of starts. However three month in and things may be slightly starting to improve.

Caught up with University work and came out with a first for my Academic Mentor presentation which was great and after my personal development meeting, found out that I might not be as screwed as I thought I was with moving on to the final year. Although if all these health issues and my dads issues had not had to be dealt with what kind of grades would I be clearing? So it is with extreme caution that I apply for my final year of finance for my degree. But what comes next? For most students this would entail a masters or PHD or perhaps getting a job, but what about some one with chronic health issues such as myself? What do I do?Well I guess that is the question isn't it. Like so many others out there in the same situation (OK I admit there are people out there who do take the piss), I really want to work, even if its part time. Here is the problem, even part time I know there will be more times spent off then in and looking at my health issues most employers will take one look at me and will pass me over nor have the time, money or patience to put up with it.
So that leaves working for myself, but what as, how? The Psych Twins was supposed to be the start of that the whole, if Mohammad can't get to the mountain then the mountain will come to Mohammed thing, but with out grants/funding and being able to get contracts its all pie in the sky, a great service I keep getting told, that is greatly needed, but no money to do what we want with it, pay ourselves a wage or hire others.

So where dose that leave me? Well back at the beginning, on ESA, unemployable despite all my skills and training, just take a look at my CV (go on take a look you will find it on my LinkedIn Profile), despite the outward appearance of a withered, useless body ( I sometimes see myself as a female "Jabba The Hut" ) there is a mine of pure knowledge, skill and enthusiasm just waiting to be tapped into. This then leads to the "what's it all for then?" phase. The point at which you relaise that you are of no use, not even to yourself. You need help at home, help to go into education and help to hold down a job (if you could actually get some one to give you a chance) and the government is slowly tearing that all away from you any way.
This then moves into the "isolation" phase. As some one who has numerous illnesses/ health issues, going out socially is not a thing. Even if I had any one who would offer me to go out socially there is the accessibility of the venue and how good or bad am feeling on the day. ( All the offers of being invited places, even by family and friends dropped off after it became apparent that to invites some one out who has to use a wheelchair 90% of the time is just to darn pesky to organize. Especially if it means that one of you have to be responsible for helping said person and good god you might have to change the venue/pub route/restaurant to make sure its accessible etc etc ...you get the picture). So if you take going to university away, I leave the house once a week with my husband...maybe to look around the shops and any drs and hospital appointments. What does that mean realistically? If am lucky I will get out once a week maybe once every two/three weeks. WOW exciting life !

This then leads into the final stage..depression. yep. What more can I say about his phase, well nothing really, its all been said before. You can't see anyway out. Nothing is going to get any better, because there is nothing you can do to make it any better. No diet, exercise regime or will power is going to change those illnesses so you can go out to work, therefore get out more socially, have money to enjoy life, get  mortgage, move up in the world etc etc. No way of being a good little citizen just like the government want you to be. So you are labeled a scrounger, a waste of space, useless and society look down on you, and the government? well they just keep taking benefits away from you making it harder and harder to function on a day to day base, telling you to "get a job" "loose weight" "exercise" "this is how to improve your life and your credit"..we know! but we can't can we no one will let us.

Money wise, am lucky my husband runs his own business which ticks along for us, so things don't effect me as much as some people I know  - disabled and non disabled. I would love to go back to work, hold down a job doing something I would enjoy, bringing home a wage and getting off benefits. I dream of getting  a mortgage and owning my own house, done out to my specification no expense spared, holiday every year never mind twice a year instead of saving for 2 year to go away for  2 weeks (meaning no treats for the kids, no weekend breaks as a couple, no date nights, no family days out, no new clothes , going no where during the summer holidays etc etc).... and yes for those out there who follow my profile on Facebook I save to go to Florida and am well aware there are people who cant afford a weekend away, I did say am lucky.......to have more of a social life with my family and  friends rather then wondering if am getting out the house for an hour or two in the next 14 days.

Who knows maybe things will turn around. Maybe funding will come in and I can finally get The Psych Twins off the ground the way I want too and make a wage that way. Maybe my health will improve and I will get a job or there is some employer out there who will let me freelance as a writer or something and come in when I can for a wage.
Maybe I will become a tv personality and be on political shows and news program or have my own show. Maybe I will become a famous author. Maybe I will get the acting offer I cant refuse because of my unique physique as an amputee. and matronly and northern..yea OK the least of the lot to come true. All I do know is that I will keep on trying, wishing and dreaming. Oh and am getting an electric wheelchair ! so bright side I get to any future Film and Comic Conventions I can play a Darlek....

......................Que Dr Who theme music.........

Sunday, 31 January 2016

IS THIS THE LONGEST AND WORST JANUARY EVER?

Being an amputee one of the biggest issues I have apart from not having access to places is the weather. I wasn't steady on my feet before but now that I have what effectively feel like stilts, its a whole lot worse.

The main issues are rain ( living in the UK is 80% of the time), ice/frost and snow. Apart from the issues of the cold causing problems with the joints due to other health issues I have, this weather turns me in to a virtual recluse or risking a serious fall. Because I do not have a flexible foot or ankle and the prosthetic comes up to my knee cap, it makes balance and bending in them very difficult.
The weather since Christmas has been all over the place. High winds that caused issues with balance and asthma for me, torrential rain which meant a huge chance of slipping every time I went in doors, snow which means no outside at all, and now the media is telling us that it is all to start again with server snow due to it the UK.

As if already having a list as long as your arm with health issues isn't enough it looks like more will be added to it this year as mentioned in the last blog. I am struggling with university already and as well as missing  a second deadline now,  we have only been back a week and have already missed two days being in for lectures, with more to come due to all the appointment's I have coming my way. Dad is having money going out of his account with nothing to account for it as due to the dementia he is forgetting to pay his bills. this is going to mean more appointment's with social services ( for what good it will do).

So as well as struggling with my own demons (my depression, which is not uncommon for people with serious health issues or amputations to battle with), my health issues and university but I have my dads ill health to deal with and lack of control of pain. I can't speak for other people who are disabled but the hardest thing I  am finding at the moment is trying to do what every one else takes for granted, sometimes just keeping my head above water is a struggle. Being disabled to me means having to work harder to be "normal" like every one else. Things I used to take for granted and most of you still more then likely do, can be the biggest struggle for me.

Just getting up in the morning is a battle. Moving to sit up and get out of bed can be so painful it makes you cry. Getting ready can be a struggle so you need someone to help getting things on or off. Don't even talk to me about the shower ! The act of showering and the pressure of the water on my skin can sometimes be so painful that just having the show can set off a major fibro flare. Not to mention dropping stuff on the floor or things out of reach you just cant reach as you have no balance to do so ( weebles wobble but they dont fall down....unless you have no legs on and reach for something and go  face first into the floor ).  Then we should talk about the holding cups, forks and dropping everything, pins and needles in the hands, not being able to pick things up......the list goes on and I still push myself to attend appointments, university, sort out my dad and working on The Psych Twins. Can't wait for the new additions from the things am waiting to hear about.( thats sarcasm by the way, just in case you missed it).

These are what I suffer from at the moment :
amputee with phantom limb pains and nerve damage
Fibromyalgia
sleep aneapa
chronic fatigue syndrome
Arthritis - rheumatoid and osteo
rynalds
circulation problems
IBS
depression
and waiting on news about heart and cancer......I think thats everything, comes to something when you cant remember everything you have been labeled with.

With everything going on with me and my family, the amount of famous people who are loved by society dying, the news is full of death, disasters and the government screwing us over even more,but trying to stay positive so looking forward to what is to come this year.

The Psych Twins will be attending Walker Stalker in February to do reviews for access, Newcastle comic con reviewing March, Hero conventions in Edinburgh in April reviewing access, Asylum 16 and City of Heros 2 promoting ourselves in May, Metro unleashed promoting ourselves in June and Screen Con in Tynemouth promoting ourselves in July and as long as there are no more financial disasters the main thing am looking forward to is my  three week holiday to Florida in the USA.

so even though reading through the list of aliments I have makes me wonder how I function or even get up at all, I still have things to look forward to. Now if I could just work out how to stay upright in the snow.....


Sunday, 27 December 2015

THAT IN-BETWEEN STUFF

Christmas means different things to different people. To most it's supposed to be a time with family, to have fun, over eat and be jolly. What about the people it effects differently? The lonely, the people dealing with mental health issues and depression and the homeless.

Loneliness and depression effect different people in different ways. Having recently been diagnosed with depression this month and being put on anti depressants it is not something I would wish on anyone. Things just got on top of me and found it really difficult to cope. Between my health getting worse, issues with my heart, cancer scare and dealing with my dads dementia diagnosis's it all become too much and I ended taking time off university. It can be a very debilitating thing to experience. Feeling disjointed, empty, everything looks grey and muted.

The anti depressants that I have been put on for the last month are duloxetine. The main problem I am having with them is the drowsiness during the day and the limb pain. A night time is horrific. The phantom limb pain feels like a cross between pins and needles /numbness and electrical firing with small shards of glass digging into my legs. This feeling goes up from the end of my stump all the way to just below my knee.
Due to this, since starting the anti depressants I have yet to have a good full nights sleep which is draining to say the least.

I also hate to admit that I have to acknowledge how much the pain killers actually do help after running out of them this festive period. I suppose like most people I thought that I would be better off with out the pain killers, that they would be easy to give up if I wanted to because, hey what good did they do anyway? They didn't take the pain away, in fact taking smarties would have more use..so I thought. Like I said it wasn't until I went with out them all together for the last 4 days that I actually found out just how much of the pain they did dull. They might not take all of it away but they sure as hell tone it down. I felt like a junkie gagging for a fix when David came back with the prescription from the chemist.
On top of the phantom limb pain there was the bone pain, knees, elbows, back, hips and wrists with the arthritis not to mention the swelling and pain in all the joints such as fingers, neck etc, nerves, skin itching and sensitivity of the skin which is due to the Fibromyalgia...Yea fun festive season. However this didn't stop me from enjoying this Christmas, although it feels like it went really quickly. I was even brave and ventured into the town (which is unknown to me during the month of December full stop). This did not help the stress as on top of it being busy, the festive spirit in people seemed to be non existant. If you only got as tall as their waists as you where more seen as being in the way and I swear if I had to hear one more person tut behind me or loudly complain that I was in the way and they couldn't get where they wanted to be instantly, I would have went on a rolling rampage ! You would think if they had mouths big enough to complain very loudly to their shopping companions, they could open them to say "excuse me".
However in the New Year am at the chronic pain clinic and the cardiologist so lets see how that goes.

Despite all of this I have tried to stay positive and it helped that we where awarded a grant from Starbucks redcupcheer campaign. I know it sounds sad but I was so excited to find out The Psych Twins had won the money, I was bubbling with excitement.  We managed to speak to Sun FM who agreed to deliver some bags of shopping to a food bank for us on Christmas Eve. So the poor long suffering husband had to do the shop at Asda  and get the bags down to the radio station. We have also been able to help Age UK in Sunderland by putting hampers together for the New Year for them and Centre Point in Sunderland who support 16-21 year olds who are homeless, who we are going to buy things for again in the New Year.

So as life ebbs and flows around us so my life has it's usual ups and downs, and this festive period as been a variety bag of plus and minuses. The downside being the pain and depression but the up side being the good deeds we are going to be able to do for people and the help we can give through The Psych Twins. Michael and Georgia have been up for the week which was another huge plus and there are lots of things on the horizon for both The Amputee Diaries and The Psych Twins in 2016 but also more medical issues.

Stay strong and be true to yourselves and I wish all my readers a happy and safe New Year and look forward to blogging for you all in 2016 what ever it may bring my way I will make sure you are the first to know.

Tuesday, 17 November 2015

THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE WHOLE TRUTH

The thing I hear the most often is how am an inspiration. That's good, am glad. To have some one to see you as the reason that they get up in the morning, or push themselves that little bit harder or further, to know that when they think they are at the edge of their limits and can not take anymore or no longer fight, to know that because of you and what you can do helps them to keep going that little bit longer, to fight that little bit harder.
What I don't understand are the number of disabled people out there that don't like being told their an inspiration to some one. They feel that in some way it belittles them and their disability and what they live with. Why? If because of the fight and struggles that I have to go through to do what I do, not just live day to day but go above and beyond my limitations, that makes just one person stop and say " I can do this, if she can ." or " maybe my life isn't so hard" and it puts things in to context for them before they spiral out of control down the rabbit hole, why wouldn't you want to help?
As unpopular as this might make me, some people with disabilities are too hung up on their disability, they let it define them, control them and they have deeper issues to deal with themselves, such as coming to terms with what has happened to them. Yes life is unfair, yes its terrible that it is you who ended up the way you did and you never got to do this or you got cut off in your prime or you feel some how that you have had your life that should have been snatched away. That is no reason to make other people squirm, feel uncomfortable or worry what they say to you, is it?

There is another thing. What is with this whole "don't use this term" or " don't label me as this". I have news for you, the only one discriminating with the language or labeling is you. If you did't make a big song and dance of it people wouldn't think about it. Now people tread on eggshells whenever they see some one with a disability or in a wheelchair terrified of speaking to them or helping them or even holding a bloody door open for them just in-case they offend that person or get their heads ripped off. Trust me I was born with Congenital Bilateral Talipes, at a time when children with any form of disability physical or mental was put in a home or special school.
My mam fought the system for me to attend a main stream school. I grew up In an age when there was no rights for disabled people, no adaptations nothing. You would walk down the street and have people look at you in disgust and  cross over, spit at you, and am talking about grown adults not kids...this is what I grew up with  from the age of 8 / 9 years old.  Name calling in the street, people moving there kids away from me or not letting them sit next to me on the bus in case they "caught" something. By the time I left school in the mid 80's getting a job once you showed them the bloody registration green card to prove you where registered disabled, one of two things happened. You where either hired straight away as they needed to get their minority figures up (got to love the government for there bloody stats. See they where always target driven pen pushing idiots), even if you could't do the damn job or you where too much of a liability and would take too much time off .

At least now we have things in place that doesn't allow that. But hold on? Isn't that exactly whats happening now? Could it be because we have got too far up our own arses about our rights we are now making it easy to  be villianized by the government making employers think twice? Making people see us as nothing but scroungers on the system? You know how they like their scape goats. Am sure I also heard something in the news about a card system so you can register as disabled? funny that isn't it?
Over the years I have managed to fit in one group or another that has been villianized by the government, media or the public in general. Hell in fact now I see how many I can fit into in one go.

 It started off with being disabled, then it moved onto large families, if you had more then two kids you where getting pregnant for the money..I have six , worked with every single one of them. Every-time I had a child I got a better paid job.
Been told four times am not fit to work. Now am working towards a degree and starting my own business because I have become unhireable due to my health issues. Then it was because am obese. That made me a target to be fat shamed, ridiculed ( good job i was used to that from being a kid, god knows I might have actually been offended) and again labeled as a scrounger because due to no fault of my own I became over weight. Nothing to do with having six kids, two amputations, being stuck in a wheelchair or the medication that makes you gain weight, hell don't even think about the health conditions themselves that make you balloon up!
Wasn't there even that half baked woman who thought she was famous because she was mouthy, made videos on you tube like millions of others? thought it was acceptable to "fat shame", that's right she wasn't half as famous or untouchable as she thought she was as she got her ass canned by her company.
 Unless you are overweight ad a not talking about a "pot belly" or carrying a few extra pounds, am talking about carrying the upholstery of a sofa like me, then you have no idea what you have to deal with, you don't need some one mouthing off on how disgusting you are, how much of a mess you look, how you make them feel sick when they look at you. Do you not think we feel the same? I know I do. Every day I struggle to make myself look good, or at least so people will not think I look a mess or feel good. Every day I feel the stares just off me being larger then most, the whispers (although it makes a change from the stares and whispers about the legs or the wheelchair) The consent battle to find clothes, nice clothes, clothes that make you feel like a women and you are not wearing a tent. That's not to mention the fact that instantly you are de sexualized. Men /women no longer flirt with you, say nice things about you or to you in fear that they will be called by their friends for being  a "chubby chaser".  Every women , regardless of age, size,ability or marital status wants to feel attractive, to be told the're attractive, to still be desirable.
But that doesn't happen, you fall into those categories then you become invisible. You watch every body else being flirted with, having fun being told how beautiful they are and the most you get if you are lucky? One of two things. A) shame a pretty girl like you is stuck in that( or some version of that where your looks are disfigured by the wheelchair/ disability) or B) you don't sweat much for a fat lass. Hell am totally screwed, good job am married to a man who loves me for me really as you couple the weight with no legs (often seen as a fetish ) and in a wheelchair I would be a non person on the dating scene, unless I was picked up by some one who had a fetish for one or all three of those things. Then again I was once asked to do photos for an amputee fetish site and still got insulted by being told " your not the normal size they like, your a bit big really but am sure they are men out there who are in to bigger amputees who might see you as beautiful...... ". Me and my husband have actually lost count over the years how many times we have been asked if he was a devotee and is that why he married me.
 Yea go figure !
Then came the disabled (again). The disabled need their benefits cut, disabled are all pulling a fast one. We are all layabouts who don't want to work and make all the hard working, tax paying people of this country sub us. Yea I admit there are people out there who say they have a bad back and can't work who then get up a ladder to tile a roof or lay a carpet, (obviously not whilst up a ladder..but hey who knows). But that's a very small amount compared to the millions who really do need the help. I have worked since leaving school at 16. When no one would hire me due to my disability I went on training programs. I would write a 100 letters a week for jobs. All I wanted was for people to give me a chance and that's what it feels like am having to do all over again. Justifying why am not working, why I chose to have six kids, why am overweight, justifying why I wont get annoyed about labels and terminology people use to me. Get real. I have bigger problems the worrying if some one is taking the piss out of me by holding a door open, in fact am grateful !

I tell you what gets my goat. People who are bitter about their lot in life. People who can't see past their own hatred and bigotry,  People who tell me that I can't call myself something or use a certain phrase in connection with myself. Why? if I want to say that am wheelchair bound how does that effect you? If I want to make a joke and say I haven't got a leg to stand on, tell me how is that offensive to you? Am taking the mick out of me, I can do that if I want. I really do not need you to think or make my decisions for me. You know whats EVEN worse then that? When it's some one who is not disabled..sorry able bodied? bipeds? sorry not sure of this weeks new PC term, or some one who has recently became disabled and has not had to live their whole lives like that. Normally (and am not saying all before you try to lynch me), they would have no interest, concern or reason to look into how disability terms are used or how people are effected by it. Then by some unfortunate stroke of fate they find themselves in that situation. All of a sudden how you are "labeled " becomes a big deal. Believe it or not am just as guilty for it. Before the amputation I had no idea what life was like for some one who used a wheelchair all the time. How much it impacted on the day to day things not just for them but for their friends and family. Now I do, but that hasn't stopped me from living my life trying to inspire others to push their limits.

Nor has it stopped me from being the most un Politically correct person you will ever come across and long may I reign.


(If you find yourself effected by any of the above issues and need to talk, you can get in touch with me at thepsychtwins.bravesites.com or through our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/psychtwinsfundraising/?ref=tn_tnmn)


Sunday, 13 September 2015

NEW START - NEW ACADEMIC YEAR

Back to University next week.  Getting broke in gently as there is only the welcome back meeting on Tuesday for an hour, but there is a catch up with the Thinking Ahead group. This is the group I joined last year that raise funds and awareness for Student Minds, also the reason I shaved my head if you remember. The only thing am not looking forward to is breaking in a new support worker who will help me get around Uni. Hoping she is not set in her ways or used to patronizing disabled people or the next year will be explosive !

Then its back to nose to the grindstone the week after as we get into full swing with our second year on campus. Still plenty of other things to keep me busy as well such as marketing and selling the Halloween Masquerade Ball tickets for the 31st of October https://www.facebook.com/events/417935758373799/
On top of this there is the decorations to order and the itinerary to sort out of who is responsible for what on the night. All of this on top of still having to finish up my CBT diploma I started half way through the holidays and being invited down to Merseyside to be a director with another charity and help them with their fundraising. Add to this that I have also applied for press passes for The Amputee Diaries to various comic cons and events, including in the USA, means that am going to be a very busy girl !

I am hoping to do more reviews for people who have disability's as I strongly believe that being disabled should not stop you from living life to the full. More venues and events are now aware that these things need to cater to every one, but don't always see the world from our perspective. They may think they have covered every aspect of the event for disabled people when in fact they are missing things, sometimes little things, sometimes HUGE bloody things and that is where my reviews come in. Not only to help people but also planners and businesses to address these problems, be more inclusive and in fact increase their revenue stream, audience and fan base. In fact since losing my mobility pretty much, my health getting worse, nearly dying during childbirth with Toyah, my dad being diagnosed with dementia and my mam dying, I have came to realize that life is just too short to worry about what people think and waiting for the right time to do something. Hence cosplaying and all the trips to Disney.

We are still waiting for social services to arrange visiting my dad to assess him for help due to recently being diagnosed with dementia. Since the diagnoses we have pretty much been told that we will have to fight for every scrap of help we get. Typical. It is so frustrating being stuck in this chair sometimes, feeling useless, watching people you care about needing assistance and help and knowing that there is absolutely nothing you can do to help and feeling that  you are no use at all.

This got me thinking about being a parent and disabled/wheelchair user. The issues it brings I think are unique, something most people will never experience. The first thing you notice is how much you have to adapt certain things to make them work. The next is how much you actually relay on your children for help. Basic things such as house work, doing the washing, cooking sometimes getting clothes on or off depending on if you are having a flare up at the time. My mind though I can keep active which am thankful for. Hence the reason for the charity and uni I guess.

 I am no longer interested in possessing things, but in having experiences. The bigger the better. Life does not have to be over just because you have suffered a tragedy in your life. Nor does it have to be over because of your age, after all its just a number, just like your tragedy, disability it does not define who you are.
People often forget to stop and take in the beauty around them, see the fun in most all situations and live life every day as if it is your last. Take chances, have fun, don't be scared to make a fool of your self ( hell I do that all the time that I don't even need to practice it any more ). But then again it has taken numerous tragedy's in my life and 46 years on this planet for me to do these things. Its not something that comes naturally to us but needs to be learnt, just like every thing else. There is no book on this, you can read as many books around this subject as you like but it will never enable you to do these things or be this way. That, am afraid, is down to you and you alone. In fact I think the more gadgets and tech we invent to make our life easier just clutters it and makes it busier. In fact I think people or trying to use so much tech and gadgets these days to free up time that they have less time then they did before !

Sometimes I think it would be fun to write a book based on my life, the husband thinks I should. But honestly I don't think any one would buy it as it would seem so fantastical and unbelievable. The things I have been through, the things I have done and seen. Hell plot lines of soaps  or more believable then my life some times. This summer alone I have :
Started a charity
organised and event
got donations for prizes
received press passes for a film and comic con
interviewed Chris Judge aka Tel'q from Stargate
interviewed Gareth Lloyd Davis aka Yanto from Torchwood
interviewed Doug"Hacksaw" Duggan from the WWF
Spoke to Michael Bien from Terminator
Spoke to Robert Enguland from Nightmare on Elm Street
Traveled to Glasgow
Done a diploma in CBT
bought a new car
been in a local newspaper
soon to be speaking at the local college to new Psychology students starting the extended degree course
went to a VIP event
had business cards done
had a shopping trip away
applied to be a zombie
got involved as a possible director for another charity
reunited with my dad and sister........and that's in 4 months imagine what I have done over the last 46 years! Some highlights are - insulted Eric Clapton (in my defense it was an accident), lived in a hotel suite for a month, been put before Westlife, drank with Bobby Robson, did a screen test for Matthew Vaughn for the film Kingsman.........

See life is not over, its only over if you let it be.

People look at me and see an overweight, middle aged women who is in a wheelchair with no legs. If they only knew......:)

(If anything in this blog or the other blogs have effected you and you would like to talk to some one please feel free to get in touch.)

Friday, 4 September 2015

FROM THE HIGHLIFE TO THE LOWS IN LIFE AS WELL AS THE GRITTY BITS.


And the world moves on…

 

Just had some devastating news regarding my dad this week. He has been diagnosed with mixed dementia, which is both dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. It’s aggressive and already at the stage of forgetting who we are, to eat, take medication, change his clothes etc, not to mention the mood swings and how he can sometimes be verbally abusive to my sister.  The doctor at the specialist clinic was so off handed about the whole thing when giving us the diagnosis and the way he spoke to my dad was if he was rubbish or not even there. He offered no support, medication to help with his anxiety and nowhere to turn to.

This got me thinking about how I was perceived by these people. The feeling after seeing this doctor at the specialist clinic, who when I started asking questions regarding his brain scan, demanded to know who I was and if I was in the medical profession and how did I know this information,  was very much that I had achieved or done very little because I was in a wheelchair and disabled. By the look on his face it was obvious that he had wrote me off being in a wheelchair. The look of amazement and shock on his face when I told him I was at University studying psychology was priceless! Needless to say his attitude towards me changed but not towards my dad.

The same thing happened with his GP.  Even though I was the one asking the questions and talking to him his whole body was turned away from me and all answers where directed to my sister and husband. This is extremely annoying to say the least. It also seemed to infuriate him that I could use the same language has him. This resulted in him picking up on any mistake I made about dementia or the brain even though I told him I did not know anywhere near enough information to understand what was going on completely, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make educated comments or guesses.

At this point I also started to wonder if other people with disabilities got treat the same way from so called “caring “professionals? I can never remember being treat like this before the amputations or pre wheelchair use. But this brings me to other small things that I have noticed but hasn’t really hit home before now. Such as automatic doors into places. You have them working or always open but have you noticed that if you have a pram or someone in a wheelchair you are the one waiting for other people to finish using it and wait for them to let you through? There can be 4 or 5 other doors for people who are able and capable to go through, but no, they would rather que, tut and moan and wait for you to get through, force their way through WHILST you are trying to go through, my personal favourite…quickly jump in front of you or step over you to go through ahead of you instead of thinking to themselves “ wheelchair/ pram coming through I will just use my hands and arms to push another door open to go through. What is even funnier with this is the look they give you as you are waiting on them to finish and let you through, it’s as if you are shit on their shoe or an inconvenience to their lives somehow, that’s if they can even be bothered to look at you. Some prefer to pretend they are not ill mannered or ignorant by looking straight ahead and not even acknowledge you are there.

Then there are the problem solvers. They can be a stranger, care professional, friend or even a family member. The ones who will try to fix everything when all you want is for them to listen, believe you when you say you have tried and maybe understand a little.

 Let’s face it, no one will truly understand what it is like to live with your disability on a daily basis or what you go through just to do something that before, or other people take for granted. I wouldn’t wish that on any one, but trust us, if we say we have thought every which way to try and do something or we tell you we can’t do something or something won’t work, or even if it’s a case of we have a hang up about doing something so we don’t want to do it, please, believe us, its true. Although you mean well and are only trying to help by finding a solution you’re not. All it does is infuriates us (well me anyway), makes me feel useless and as if am trying to get out of whatever “it” is. It also makes us (and again by us I mean me) feel like more of a nuisance and/or failure when we do try your “fix” to the problem, even though we have told you it won’t work, and fail, because guess what?....it wasn’t going to work like we said to start with.

My husband is a fixer and God love him, he really try’s to work outside the box so I can experience and do what I want to do. Sometimes he comes up with things I have not even thought of trying or considered, which is great! But other times he goes on and on trying to find a solution even when we have exhausted everything logical and inventive that won’t humiliate me or end up hurting or endangering my life. It just he is so focused on trying to find a solution for me because he wants me to be happy, that he doesn’t see when it stops being helpful and becomes painful or upsetting because he is going on and on about it. At this point it just feels that it is being hammered home over and over what I can’t do and am useless.

Until just last week he didn’t understand why it would upset me after a while of looking for a way around something. When I explained it to him he told me that he knew it upset me when I couldn’t do stuff I wanted with the family and all he wanted to do was make it so I didn’t miss out. What he hadn’t realised is how much it could potentially upset me when there was just no solution to be found and he kept trying to fix it.

Maybe it’s just me. It wouldn’t surprise me really. I have always liked to be different.

Sunday, 23 August 2015

LIGHTS.,CAMERA, ACTION - OR IN OTHER WORDS FILM AND COMIC CON GLASGOW 2015

So it was amazing news two weeks ago when we found out that we had been allocated press passes to film and comic con Glasgow. This was a great opportunity for me to find out exactly what differences there where between Newcastle and another venue Showmasters used, if they had made changes to how the event dealt with disabled attendees and family’s and a great chance to speak to the guests who were attending to find out their thoughts on the event, cosplaying etc and a great chance to review the good and bad and downright ugly of being disabled and travelling and attending a convention.
So we packed a bag and off we went ready to take on everything and anything that would be thrown at us in the aid of the amputee diaries and The Psych Twins.

We travelled by car up to Glasgow on the Friday tea time. Over all it was a 4 hour journey including a slight misdirection through Glasgow and stopping off for a break. This was where the first problem was encountered. We stopped at the Welcome Break services at Gretna Green. There was plenty of disabled parking spaces right at the front near to the entrance to the services. Access was good with automatic doors and all shops where accessible. However the only disabled and baby changing toilet in the services was out of order, with no idea of how long it would be out of order for.
 Now although difficult for me to walk any distance, it was a necessary evil unless I wanted an accident to happen. For people who cannot get out of their wheelchairs or a family with a special needs child or even a baby to change, this was not acceptable. There was no other alternative to this situation unless you wanted to risk however long till he next service station. Travelling back on the Saturday night we stopped at the same services and guess what? That’s right the disabled toilets where still out of order. Obviously the engineer they had called was on a go slow or didn’t do weekends!

We arrived at the Travelodge at Breahead Glasgow around 9pm. Situation was excellent as the shopping centre where the event was being held was within a 7 – 10 minute walking distance. The hotel had plenty of parking spaces and right next to the entrance. Doors where automatic so no struggling trying to open doors and the staff where very pleasant and helpful. The whole area of reception, bar and café was accessible and clean although basic, but you get what you pay for. I had requested a disabled room and included breakfast. The room allocation was excellent down stairs not that far from reception. Only issue was if you were travelling on your own then the doors are heavy to get through to the corridor where your room is situated and your room key card has to be used to open them. This would be something you would not be able to do on your own unless you are a lot more flexible and resourceful then me, which is a possibility, otherwise you will need to ask a member of staff to help.
Entrance into the room was wide enough for my wheelchair which is wider then a normal chair.  The room was very spacious with room for me to manoeuvre in the wheelchair. Everything in the room was accessible from the wheelchair apart from the shelf above the clothes rail. The bed was two singles pushed together but very comfortable with a call button on the head board.
Again the room was sparse but as I said earlier you get what you pay for. The bathroom was huge and very spacious, lots of grab rails, lowered sink and mirror etc. but was very disappointed in the disabled shower, never mind how dangerous it was!
The controls where accessible but no shelf to put any toiletries on such as shampoo and shower gel so reaching for them would be dangerous ( actually impossible for me to do). The fold down seat was way too small and it was not possible to sit on fully, so was more of a perching stool. Well this caused an enormous amount of problems for me! Having to remove both of my legs to enable me to shower, this left me feeling as if I was falling forward. You needed your legs to brace yourself when sitting down. So for someone with no legs, weak lower limbs or unable to use them at all would have major issues using this shower without having an accident! In fact it was so bad that I had to ask my husband to come in and help me get shampoo and shower gel and to make sure I didn’t fall. In order to do this I had to brace myself with my hands on the grab rails. Now for someone with fibromyalgia this was extremely painful as all my weight was put behind this as it couldn’t be put through my legs. I had to risk taking one hand off a grab rail in order to get shampoo or shower gel put into my hand by my husband so I could wash. Even then it had to be quick and couldn’t be done properly as I kept falling forward. Basically if my husband had not been there, there was no way safely I could have had a shower on my own. When oh when are companies going to realise that there are more than just infirm or elderly people and not every disability or wheelchair users needs are the same? Travelodge take a leaf out of Disney’s book please, before someone has an accident.

We decided after the long drive to just eat at the Travelodge for tea. Poor choice. Got the steak sandwich with chips. What I got was tinned steak in buns with frozen chips. With two diet Pepsi’s that where smaller then cans, it came to £22. The breakfast was an all you can eat buffet thing but choice was minimal. There was plenty of facilities nearby so if you didn’t want to eat dinner or evening meal at the hotel then soar, across the road and parking lot, has lots of other options.
The arena is actually part of the shopping centre. If you have ever been to the Metro Centre in Gateshead then if you can imagine where the food court is and Metro Land used to be then that was where the arena was.
Car parking facilities where fantastic at this shopping centre. We had never seen so many disabled parking spaces so close to the centre before at a shopping outlet.
The que was already huge when we arrived at 9.30 am and with it being held in a shopping centre there was a few issues for any one shopping in that area and trying to get past.  We hunted down a staff member, who seemed to be few and far apart and it was very unclear as to where you were supposed to que for early entry and std and there was no indication at all if you had a press pass. We were told to show our email to the staff on the door. We were then given our press passes and we were off. 
Inside there was no foyer area so nowhere to wait for people or hang around for a break. The one saving grace was with it being in a shopping centre you could come and go as you pleased as long as you got your hand stamped. This meant that if you wanted a break from the madness and the crowds you could go out and sit in the food court, grab a coffee or something to eat or if you where going to be waiting for a talk or photo shoot to happen, the option was there to look around the shops etc. This however led to its own issues. Later on in the day you were stepping (or in my case trying not to roll over) people who were sitting on the floor everywhere. This was obviously also causing issues for shoppers in the centre who were not attending the convention.

Once in you were faced with loads of stalls and traders of all kinds. Yet again showmasters had crammed in so many stalls that manoeuvring around the stalls and up and down the aisles was bad for any one, but was a logistical nightmare for someone in a wheelchair or with a pram. It made it very slow going and sometimes very frustrating to get around with some stalls being total inaccessible to any one in a wheelchair. They had spread the guests out over two floors. Plenty of room for accessing the downstairs guests but could see that as the day got busier the lines could be confusing. Access to the upper floor was via stairs, with no signs to indicate where the lift was to enable me to access that level. After spending a moment trying to ascertain where these where we give up and looked for a member of staff. That was easier said than done. Volunteers seemed to be in blue t shirts and pit bosses in red. Very few around. Eventually chased after one and asked a pit boss how to access the top floor. She seemed a little confused then pointed us towards the service doors and told us she didn’t know but had been told to point people in that direction this looked like no access to a lift but we trusted she knew better and tried to get through the heavy doors. As we did a security guard belonging to the venue came over to get the door for us. As he was doing this he asked where we were going so told him that we were looking for a lift to access up stairs. At that point he told us that we had to go back out of the arena, across the food court and the lifts where there. After getting out we had to cross the food court upstairs and round the corner to where the box office was for the arena. The doors where sealed so had to wait to be let in by a security guard. Once up there we did notice that there was a service lift and wondered if this was where she had been directing us too. Up here there was the other guests but instead of spacing the signing desks out they were all cramped up.
This made queuing difficult and again the lines confusing to follow for each guest and this was before they let in pay on the door and std ticket entry’s. When it got busy it was nigh on impossible to get through to any of the lines and trying to que without getting in peoples ways was not possible.  Staff up stairs, both volunteers and pits bosses where sparse to find and there was no Virtual queuing system so the ques where getting out of hand very quickly. At Newcastle the pit bosses and volunteers where very helpful with me being a wheelchair user and there was plenty of staff around. At Glasgow however as well as very little staff there were no concessions made for people in wheelchairs or disability’s including people on crutches. Their website itself and staff have stated that anyone who is disabled would be moved to the front of the autograph ques to make access easier for everyone but this did not happen.
Before they let the standard ticket holders in and pay on the door through it was already jammed packed and difficult to manoeuvre. On my way to interview Chris Judge, just before noon they had moved the people queuing to around the food court instead of down the centre where the shops where.
Yet again I think Showmasters underestimated the amount of people who would be attending the event equal to the size of the venue.
There was some issues as to where wheelchair users accessed the talk areas. The husband had to park me up out of the way of people and exits, (not easy) while he tried to find someone to assist, (did I mention the lack of staff?). This resulted in me being parked down in between two stalls. As I was waiting for him to return David Prowse (Darth Vader out of Star wars, for those not aware of this character or the films (shame on you)), came up beside me. Due to his failing health he was also in a wheelchair being pushed by a volunteer from Showmasters. As the volunteer was trying to sort out a rubber ramp type thing he noticed the Darth Vader sticker on my prosthetic which made him chuckle. I happened to mention how ridiculous it was trying to get around in a wheelchair to which he agreed.
We eventually found someone who directed us to a small door where we could see the talks. Although it was technically a space at the side of the stage next to a speaker and the area where the guests actually entered from, it wasn’t too bad. Then again it depended on where you were positioned as you were not looking straight on at the stage but having to turn to the side and past the person sat next to you. It also meant that come the Q & A time you were pretty much over looked if you wanted to ask a question of the guest. The space realistically could only fit three wheelchairs and their companions in, any more was not going to happen.
By 2pm the que showed no signs of dying down and even by the time we left at 3.30 pm people where still queuing to get in, even though there was barely any room to move as it was at this point. They had stopped people from entering and to be honest I am not sure how they worked out when enough people had left to let any more in due to most people being able to come and go with a hand stamp into the shopping centre. Yet again I think showmasters under estimated how many people would be interested in attending and in future should consider providing more things such as enough staff, directions being visible and accessibility of the venue chosen all need to be taken into account. Bear in mind Showmasters if you have disabled guests and attendees attending and you chose to book somewhere that looks accessible, my advice is, still check for your selves. Might be an idea to take on someone who can deal with these issues specifically. Spread the stalls out as well please this would help everyone in the long run. We know more stalls equals more money from traders per table but think about the people attending and how much more money the traders would make if everyone could access their goods and services Just a thought.

I think that these events are going to become more and more popular in the UK simply due to the fact that the fans and collectors are becoming more and more aware that they exist in this country and are no longer the privilege of the States. The celebrities are also more aware that the demand in the UK to see them is huge so more and more are going to be willing to attend these events here. People are also becoming more involved in the whole thing as they look for more places where they can go as a family and where better than some where the kids can get involved in dressing up, meet Darth Vader standing alongside Captain Jack, where princess walk the isles and all their comic and film
book hero’s and heroines come to life and not only that they can have their photo taken with them as well! All this while seeing their favourite actor out of a tv show or film and Mam and dad and grandparents can all get involved in the fun, whilst re living their youth meeting actors and actresses from their favourite 80’s and 90’s shows and films whilst at the same time picking up that must have print or collectable for the sitting room.
So come on Showmasters unless you want to be elitist and only appeal to the hardened film and comic fan or collector, cater more for the disabled, the kids and the families who really want to attend just as much as the diehard collectors and fans. The people I spoke to who said it was their first time where definitely thinking of becoming return revenue for you. Isn’t that what you want?

Chris Judge who played Teal’c in Stargate Atlantis, very kindly agreed to give us an interview. He got into college on the back of a football scholarship but was not that serious about playing as much as others where and was always geared towards acting. Originally doing pre-med at college he minored in Psychology and as a fellow Psychology Student I had to ask him about Statistics. It seems that all Psychology students around the world dislike it which is good to know I am not alone. Jim “Hacksaw” Duggan was another star I was lucky enough to talk to. Both he and Chris Judge thought that fans at conventions in the UK were fantastic, a lot more friendly and easy to talk too compared to the USA. Across there it is perceived as more of a business then an experience for fans and fans in the UK made it seem more human and hands on. In fact every one of the celebrities thought that conventions where more like one big family and they definitely seem to love that fact.
With regards to disability’s all the people I talked to saw it as no reason not to attend one of these events if you have a chance and I agree with them. There was definitely more people attending with prams and small children, who’s eyes just positively lit up when faced with all the cosplayers. A lot of the stalls here seemed to be catering their merchandise towards children although there was still plenty for the avid collector to buy, trust me!

Speaking to some of the attendees the biggest issue was once again the lack of room to get around with a pram or wheelchair, lack of staff support and lack of signs for lifts etc. Some guests were unaware that it was spread out on two floors or in fact how to even access the second floor. In fact am still trying to work out where the disabled toilets where and I have been home since 9 pm last night!  Although once found all staff where friendly. The general consensus as well was that there was no reason not to give people with disabilities extra help when getting autographs and photos done and the majority of people I spoke to have no problem with this. I am hoping to be allocated a press pass for London in the winter just to see how they deal with one of their biggest conventions in the UK, which due to size is now being held at Brighton and I will be attending (in full cosplay) the Newcastle Comic Con in November not just for pleasure but to see if they have taken anything on board from other cons and changed anything from March.
 On the subject of Cosplaying both the guests and attendees all loved to see all the cosplayers in their costumes. Robert Englund especially liked to see the fans dressed as Freddy and approved of the cross gender cosplaying. They thought it added to the overall
atmosphere of the convention and the fun of it. All the guests found it flattering when faced with a fan dressed as one of their characters, but shocked to find out about the bullying that takes place in the cosplay community.  They were also surprised about the image the UK press had given it recently. Chris Judge thought that the Sci Fi community and the convention community in general where more evolved and accepting of peoples differences, which is why I think it came as such a shock to him in particular.  Speaking to some of the cosplayers themselves, nearly all of them had experienced some form of bullying or inappropriate touching from other attendees at the conventions and even some outside of conventions such as taking part in photo shoots.
Out of the Cosplayers I spoke to all agreed that cosplaying and being part of that community helped them overcome issues such as depression, anxiety and social shyness as well as boosting their confidence and making new friends from all over the country. Convention etiquette is simple. If you would like to have a photo taken with someone in cosplay, ask, do not assume and don’t touch their costumes. Some of them take a long time, hard work and lots of money to make, having someone come along and paw at the costume or them is not acceptable. If you like a costume, tell them if you don’t, keep it to yourself. Out of all the cosplayers not one of them said no to an interview or photo when asked politely.
Oh and if you really want to know as badly as I did if people preferred Marvel to DC… Marvel was the winner. Although some arguments continued after I had left on the subject matter.


 Most of the people I talked to had not heard about iCosplay, although out of those that had it was mainly cosplayers. I mentioned that it was a charity that existed to stamp out bullying in the cosplay community, which was given a positive response, but the general overall consensus from the stars and attendees was, disabled or not, attend a convention, see what it’s like for yourself you might just like it. If you’re worried or nervous about cosplaying at a convention, take a chance, pick your favourite character and just express yourself, if it helps to bring you out of yourself, or makes it easier to interact and talk to people then even better. They very much seemed to see it as a form of escapism as well as fun. If you do experience any kind of bullying for any reason then tell someone don’t keep it to yourself and most of all at the end of the day enjoy it. Personally I really enjoyed
cosplaying. My first time was at Newcastle comic Con in March this year. I was worried about what people would say and think, especially with me being in a wheelchair, in my forty’s and overweight. I was so glad I did it though. The amount of people cosplayers and non-cosplayers and even guests who came and talked to me, liked my costume or wanted a photo taken with me was unbelievable and it was so much fun, I was hooked from that point on!  As Gareth David Lloyd, who played Yanto in Torchwood said, if you don’t like it then you don’t have to do it again. So whether you cosplay are not in the immortal words of Shia la beouf – Just Do It!
Hired The Stig as the getaway driver after starting arguments over Marvel or DC !