Access

“Access denied!”

That’s what it often feels like the world is saying to me when it is impossible or complicated to use buildings, services or trying to attend events.

I cannot speak for every wheelchair user or disabled person in the world, but surely I cannot be the only person who finds it frustrating in this day and age or supposed “inclusion” and equality.

Since the Equality Act 2010 services, businesses, and events should make things accessible and if it is not possible then that business should bring the service where possible to us. It’s classed as making a reasonable adjustment. There are exceptions to the rule which include listed buildings, but businesses will get around this by saying that the building is listed which stops them from putting a lift in or if there are stairs saying that they are prohibited from putting a stairlift outside due to it being listed, when the railings are either not or the stairlift will cause no damage to the building. They use loopholes in the law and building listings to great round or just flat out not make any kind of reasonable adjustments as the cost could be prohibited. However, what these businesses don’t realize is that they are losing out on a substantial amount of revenue.

If I want to go anywhere, do anything I have to do research days before, sometimes months before in order to make sure that where I want to go is accessible. How fair is that? Would you do that? Would you think that is reasonable even if all you want to do is go out for a meal with friends or take your children somewhere?

It’s never about trying to get something for nothing, and just like any minority issue, there are a few bad apples who will try and get something for nothing or special privileges and this results in the stories you see in the news and you hear people talking about. Benefit scroungers, pretending to be disabled or ill to get things or extra help, people complain about how people on disabilities or in wheelchairs are jumping queues , however, all I want is to be able to access the same things as everyone else, a point I proved recently at Showmasters London Film and Comic Convention.  One of the days we needed to early so go through the main entrance. I had not bothered to register as needing extra help or a carer as I don’t when am using my electric wheelchair, different story if I had been using my manual wheelchair to some degree as David would have to push me everywhere as I cannot self-propel. Instead, I used my electric wheelchair for the weekend, mainly because I wanted my independence.

 So when we went through the gate they automatically showed me to the carers line for extra help. When I asked if I was in the right queue as I didn’t need the extra help the guy looked surprised and told me, in that case, go through the normal queue which I was more than happy to do, much to the surprise of some of the attendees.

You see the entrance was flat, I didn’t have to self-propel and the lines were maneuverable, so no need for me to skip ahead. I did slow the line down to some degree as my electric wheelchair only goes at a very slow speed, this did annoy some people so guess am dammed if I do (get extra help and special treatment), and dammed if I don’t( and I access I like everyone else). Like I said I cannot speak for another person who has a disability or uses a wheelchair but am happy to access services, events and businesses just the same as everyone else, that’s all I want. Whether its everyday things like going out shopping or going for food, to special occasions like a night out, event or weekend away or even if I feel like treating myself or my husband wants to spoil me and we want something a bit more luxurious these are things I should be able to access without having to spend a ridiculous amount of time on research beforehand.

THE DAY THE WORLD NEVER CHANGED

A lot happened since I last sat down to write anything. The idea had been to start doing news pieces still around disability and mental health issues but more generic and fun then so dark and gloomy and not always from my point of few. Unfortunately, that has not happened.

When I first started this blog it was to chart my progress on the run up to my amputations, the recovery and what happened next. It then grew into something more for me than just an online diary that people may or may not be interested in reading. It became a voice, a way to tell people and show people exactly how difficult life could be when you are disabled, but also to show others in similar situations that there is hope and to inspire people to get out there and start living their lives the best way that they can.

Now instead of finding fun light-hearted things to inspire me to write about, life keeps throwing me curve balls, so all I write about is the injustice, discrimination and exclusion people with disabilities deal with on a day to day biases.

I thought growing up in the ’70s, before things such as the equality act came into being, that the future for anyone with any kind of disability would be brighter. But let’s face it here we are in the 21^st century and hate crimes or on the rise (just the fact they had to introduce a new law to cover these things says everything), and society is far from accessible or understanding at all, if anything I would say it’s less accessible in some ways, far less understanding and tolerant (and not just about disabilities) and less accepting.

Recently my son who has ASD and Tibia Torshin and my daughter were attacked on their way home from school, simply because he is autistic. Due to not being able to get a rise from my son who was trying his best to get home, they pushed his sister’s buttons, knowing that this would upset my son, trying to encourage her to fight. When my daughter refused they knew the way to get my daughter to lose her temper was to “trigger” my son, which they did. They did this by taking his bag, taking his pens and pencils out of his top pocket and knocking and throwing around his papers. This got them the reaction they wanted and he lashed out, hitting one of the kids who were in the midst of it setting off his triggers, name calling him, hurling abuse and mimicking his walking and talking. My daughter and son ended up getting kicked to the ground and repeatedly kicked in the sides, back, legs and in my sons head.

No one has been brought to justice over this, despite threats being made the week before about my daughter getting jumped through prank phone calls, despite ongoing talks with the school due to kids and teachers attitudes and bullying and despite reporting attacks that have happened previously to my daughters because their brother is autistic to the police. The children involved closed ranks, their families closed ranks and other people who saw what happened were too scared to say anything to the police for fear of reprisals. I even got accused of playing the victim, apparently having nothing better to do and my children accused of being trouble makers.

Welcome to a snapshot of equality and inclusion for anyone with a disability in the 21^st century.

There are still so many businesses out there that do not understand what inclusion for people who have disabilities actually means. “But they make all toilets accessible now to everyone as not all disabilities are visible! “I hear you shout, and your right, but we still have people having to change their teenage child or adult on a dirty bathroom floor for the sake of extra space to put a full changing space in. “But public transport has disabled spaces!” another thing you shout at me and yes they do….but you see people won’t move out of the space if someone in a wheelchair needs to get on that bus. There has been plenty of stories in the press lately about people in wheelchairs being stranded by bus drivers, having abuse hurled at them by the other passengers for holding the bus up or even having to let 2 or 3 buses go past before they could get on one with the wheelchair space free. Now am not saying people with buggies should stop using buses, but it is my understanding (I refuse to use buses due to these exact reasons and how much anxiety it actually causes me, I would rather just not go out!), that there is one side for prams and one side for wheelchairs, if that is so then why is it not enforced if someone using a wheelchair needs to get on the bus? When I was younger (fair enough buses back then were not disabled accessible at all !!), but anyone who had a pram had to put it down and store it, just like you would if you were using a car and putting it in the boot. Half the time people are leaving the prams up and then the child is getting out and walking to a seat anyway, so wouldn’t it just make more sense to fold and store? I know the struggle of trying to manage a small child, a baby and bags of shopping whilst trying to fold and unfold a pram, but you did it, you managed, you had too.

I still get confronted every day by discrimination in various forms, even sometimes from friends and extended family (not all of them unintentional either, but that’s another blog post), and it can be disheartening, to say the least, and sometimes if your mood is not good it can lead to depressing thoughts that make you wonder why you bother and why you keep trying to be part of society let alone a productive one.

So what happened to the bright shiny future we were all promised? , the 21^st century being all inclusive for everyone, everyone would be equal, no more segregation, no more discrimination?

In my opinion, for what it’s worth ( and after all it is my blog), sometimes there are days I stop and look around and honestly think it is worse now with exclusion and inequality towards disabilities then we ever were when I was a child.

 Now there’s food for thought.

Disabled Access vs Disable friendly - there is a difference.

There are times when you just get so fed up of trying to fit in to peoples boxes or ideas of what being disabled is supposed to look like, feel like or how it is supposed to affect you.

Being born with talipes I thought I knew what it was like to be disabled, different from everyone else and the difficulties that went with that…..I was wrong, so very wrong! It wasn’t till I had my amputation and got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome that I found out what it was like to be disabled.

It’s so depressing and soul destroying when all you want to do is go out and enjoy yourself whether it’s for a meal, drink or shopping, holiday or stopping somewhere over night and you can’t or it’s just too much trouble to organise. Why? Because everything has to be planned in advance.

Is it accessible? Will I be able to get through with my wheelchair? Are the toilets downstairs? Do they have a disabled toilet? Would someone be able to push me up/down the bank safely? Is there a lift? Could I reach the bar? Am I going to be ignored/ stared at/ treat differently to everyone else? Can I get into / on to/ out of that?

These are just some of the things that I have to take into consideration every day when I want to leave the house to do anything. Gone are the days of just being able to get up and go without worrying.

You see people who don’t have to live with someone or who aren’t disabled themselves, things like this don’t even cross their minds or come into the equation. It creases me when shops, business, hotels etc have things on their websites like “disabled friendly” or “accessible” but when you turn up what they meant was they have a lift but you need to get up three or four steps to get into the building, or the door ways are maybe a little wider but still not wide enough for a wheelchair to get through or they are wide enough but there is a 90 degree angle to negotiate as soon as you get through the door.

What people and companies don’t seem to understand is “disabled access” does not mean the same as “disabled friendly”. For instance take my university. The psychology department has been moved into another building which is supposed to be disabled friendly, I say supposed to be as I haven’t used it as all my lectures are in other buildings. These other buildings are old, fair enough a grade II listed building means there are limitations to how it can be adapted if it can at all, I get that, but it’s as if the people they get in when adapting, updating or building these buildings have their heads up their arse. One building where the majority of my classes are they have literally took it to the letter of the law. They have made reasonable adjustments but just because they have made it accessible does not mean I can use it. The entrance is ether the service entrance, where I have to find someone to let me in or up a bank that you would need to be a strong man or marine to push me in my chair up the bank or back down safely. The lecture theatre is small with no disabled space for a wheelchair and if I was to use it I would be sat at the front of the class like a pleb in front of the only entrance/exit…can anyone say health and safety?

The inside is a horse shoe shape and is corridors with two or three steps up or down every so often so it means getting into a lift to go half a floor every time I change classroom, so much carry on, inconvenience and effort. All I want is to be like everyone else at uni..The only effort I want to worry about is getting out of bed in the morning and being arsed to attend!

It’s made me realise that everything I want to do, everywhere I want to go and everything I want to experience I have to work harder, or take longer or worse yet become a performing monkey while others stop to stare at the antics you have to go through just to do something that is taken for granted by everyone else.

And this seems acceptable, as a disabled person your dignity, pride and self-respect doesn’t seem to matter anymore because “we have made reasonable adjustments”. Reasonable adjustments is more than making sure there is a bloody lift!

It’s the same with shops that you can’t access for whatever reason “reasonable adjustments” means that if you can’t access their goods/ services then these should be brought to you. I ask you do you always know what you want to buy when you go to a shop. Or sometimes do you just want to browse? Especially if that said shop is new/ just opened. I don’t so when I go to a shop that I can’t access and someone eventually realises they have to help me access their goods this means I have to know what they have in the shop, what I might want to look at /buy….hey I am studying Psychology not bloody telepathy ! How the hell do I know what you have in your shop? That’s why I want to come in and have a look!! Hey don’t even get me started with the not being able to shop in privacy like everyone else instead of having my buying habits scrutinised by all to see. The temptation to go to Anne Summers and ask them to bring out various items from the back of the shop for me to view…..“I would like to see the 12 inch strap on with the deluxe gimp mask but not the ball gag…”

This is one of the reasons I started doing what I do with The Psych Twins if you are to redesign a shop, building new premises, holding an event etc get someone in who is actually disabled for god’s sake, not someone with a degree in technical drawing who “thinks” they know what it’s like to access these places in a wheelchair.

These people who design the buildings to be “accessible” or make the “reasonable adjustments” have no idea how much of an impact on someone’s life in so many different areas their decisions make. Why would they? After all am alright jack.

It’s not just the pain in the arse advance planning that has to go into everything I do or go, nor is it the fact that there are things I just can’t do/access or the fact that family/friends/colleagues stop inviting you places due to the “hassle” but the being put on display trying to access/ do whatever it is, the loss of dignity not to mention the self-loathing and depression that goes along with it.

Don’t get me wrong am a strong person (well I think I am), but am not made of stone, eventually these things do effect you and upset you am only human. Things such as anxiety, panic attacks, social exclusion, isolation and depression. The feeling that you are continuously on the outside looking in watching everyone else living their lives and having fun. Hotels I can’t stay at, beautiful rooms that I can’t stay in, holidays I can’t take, excursions I can’t go on, experiences I can’t have, Luxuries that aren’t accessible. The list goes on.

Then we talk about jobs. Another area that boils my piss. I want to work but am what you would class “unemployable” due to my health issues. Companies need to think about money and time and keeping backsides on seats and I get that. Another reason I started my own business. But I always feel guilty for not having on my CV or telling them (if it’s an agency) that am disabled and in a wheelchair before being put forward for an interview. It’s like turning up and shouting “surprise !!!” at them, the look on their faces is like the Christmas present you get of your least favourite aunty of the horrible jumper or your parents finding your porn stash…yea that look.

HELP! I NEED SOME ONE- BUT It SHOULDN’T COST ME MORE

With being a below knee amputee and in a wheelchair with many other health issues, the first thing I do before going anywhere new is check the website for help, carers discounts, disabled facilities and access points.

Why?

Because unlike before where me and my husband or family could just go out somewhere if we wanted too, these days it’s like planning a military operation. I need to be prepared and find out what to expect when I get there. Is it accessible to wheelchairs? If its not then that pretty much rules it out for us, does it have disabled toilets? Is there a lift? Is everything easy to get too from a wheelchair? Will my wheelchair fit through the doors? If going on my own are the doors automatic or will I struggle to manage them? These are things that before I never had to worry about or even give a second thought to.

The other thing I look for is discount or free carers tickets. Now I know that a lot of people have took advantage of these schemes. And still do! which makes it really difficult for those like myself who need this help to be believed without jumping through hoops and I know a few people who think it’s unfair that just because am disabled I get “ preferential treatment”.

So why do I look for carers tickets or disabled discount?

Simple. If am going somewhere that the fee or ticket is for a seat reservation or the ticket price includes this then it is useless to me – I bring my own with me. If I can’t access half the event or venue or business because you have not catered for wheelchairs or people with mobility problems or half the shop/ event is on an upper level and the organisers have booked a venue that can’t or doesn’t have a lift, then why should I pay the same as people who can access that? Or what if your services or some of your services are not accessible by myself? Is it fair I pay full price and not receive the same as everyone else? Is any of that fair?

The other reason is sometimes, just sometimes I do like to go out without my husband (who is my full time carer) and go out with friends (yes, I do have a few who still bother with me and want to socialise and be seen with someone in a wheelchair and don’t mind checking places out before booking or going out.) It’s amazing how many friends and family drop you because you become disabled and an inconvenience…but that’s a blog for another day…Any way back to this blog. So what if I want to go out with a friend or own my own but need someone to go with me to help and they don’t want/like/or into what I am? Is it fair that they have to pay full price to accompany me because I need the help? Or worse again what if am paying for a carer or helper to accompany me should I have to pay twice as much as everyone their as am not only paying for my carer to accompany me but then having to pay for them into the event etc.

This is just one of the reasons why carer’s discounts and tickets are important. The other reason is if you have a family member who is your carer and they can’t work the money they get for working over a 40 hour week most of the time is less than the living wage. Is that fair?

To be honest and fair most places these days either have free or discounted tickets and /or are accessible. Examples are wheelchair spaces on trains ( as you don’t use  seat), carers tickets for showmasters for entrance but still paying full price for autographs and photo shoots, cinema card where your carer gets a free ticket. However there are still places that don’t see the need to make either the accommodations/access or the discount available. Conventions where they will not give out a carer’s ticket and if you register as a carer you cannot have photo shoots or autographs or the only other choice is to fork out over £1000 for a PA for the weekend on top of my ticket!

So let’s say you have checked the website, there is nothing saying it is accessible or (this ones my fav) they say it is disabled friendly and you arrive to find that either half of it is not accessible/ the disabled toilets are upstairs and there Is no lift/ the whole building is accessible as long as you can get up the front steps or you either can’t see a damn thing i.e. concert or the upstairs part of the venue is only accessible by a stair lift and once up there is no room for your wheelchair. Not to mention how do you get your wheelchair up there any way if you are on your own or even better, if you can’t stand up, have no legs but can’t transfer on and off the stair lift!!

So you see, in my opinion and am sure am not the only one, companies need to start really looking at how they operate and improving a few things and why:

1.    Free or discounted tickets, we shouldn’t be charged twice to get half the show or event or get the same benefits that others get.

2.    If you are saying you are disabled friendly then check that you actually are, think about how it would affect you if you were in a wheelchair and what would help

3.    For events and shows make sure as much as you can that it is accessible to everyone that includes people in wheelchairs, with other disabilities and people with prams. I get that it is not always possible or that the venue or building is listed or there is another good reason why they can’t be disabled access or lifts, but try to limit the effect it will have on the person’s enjoyment. Have a special viewing area, have staff available to help etc.

4.    Put information up on your website. I am pretty sure I can’t be the only one who has to pre plan everywhere I go.

5.    Get an expert in to do a full review of the business, event or venue. It’s one thing to say you understand how certain things will effect someone, but unless you have actually experienced it you don’t.

Finally never underestimate how it can make someone who is disabled or who is in a wheelchair feel when they can’t access something and they have to ask for assistance because it is not available and they are looked down on with pity and told “am sorry, we can’t accommodate wheelchairs “or you try to compromise and it becomes a farce and the disabled persons dignity has been shot to ribbons or they are made to feel that they are an inconvenience or their business is not wanted.

My favourite pastime is going in shops and trying to get through the displays, or look at clothes or even navigate to the till to end up knocking things on the floor or looking like a rolling clothes rack! Even better is when the staff ignore you because they haven’t been trained how to handle these things, stare at you and not offer help, walk away or tut. Great way to make sure I won’t shop there again.

So business owners and event organisers we need the help and discounts because you may not be aware but you are losing a lot of potential customers and revenue. To the moaners and the “it’s not fair” people would you put up with this kind of treatment? Would you pay more for less and be happy about it? I think not.

Discrimination I tick all the boxes aren’t I lucky?

I have often heard the word “discrimination” being bandied about, a lot, in the last ten to fifteen years. I never saw myself as being discriminated against though. Not when I was a child and I had to wear calipers, not as a young adult who had to wear surgical boots. It wasn’t until my last amputation which has ended up with me in a wheelchair due to other health issues, have I felt discriminated against.

Employers discriminate against me, travel companies, friends, strangers, hotels, events, venues, I could go on, and hell even inanimate objects discriminate me!

This is not just because am an amputee but because am in a wheelchair. In fact I seem to tick all the boxes when it comes to people to shame, hate or discriminate against. I am disabled I have no legs and am in a wheelchair, this means am lazy, scrounger, pulling a fast one, unable to hold a conversation, understand what is being said to me or indeed hear ! God forbid I have feelings, like sex, (yes I have been asked that) have romantic intentions, enjoy compliments (other than a pat on the head and a “good girl”, I sometimes feel like either panting and whining like a dog at this point or wheel myself over to a window and start licking it), let’s not forget the looks which are a mix of horror, morbid fascination and surprise when people find out that I am a wife, mother,

business woman running her own company or studying for a degree.

Then you need to add the weight. I must eat everything in sight, it’s my fault am this big, I have let myself go, am disgusting, no one could want to be with me, how can I be married or have children being this old. Now I see this kind of fat shaming all over the place. The latest being a picture going around on the internet of a girl dressed as Harley Quinn with the caption “she must have ate the squad” https://www.facebook.com/Deadpoolisasavage/?hc_ref=SEARCH Mate you’re a dick!! And while am at it https://www.facebook.com/keith.harris.3154284 you are a dick as well. What if we got hundreds of people to comment on a photo, a REAL photo of you and you had a big nose or spots or wore glasses or had freckles. Would you like to have this picture put around the internet with some derogatory comment so that anyone and everyone can have a pop at insulting you or discussing your size and whether or not you should or should not be cosplaying a character? Do people actually have any idea how this makes a person feel?Yes am calling them out on social media, whats good for goose is good for gander so they say. so if it is acceptable to fat shame some on on Facebook then it is acceptable to shame some one for being a dick. I myself am a lot bigger than the person they are insulting and I sometimes cosplay.

It can take a lot of courage and confidence to do some cosplays and I have in the past let my size and my disability dictate my costumes…no more. My weight is not from eating too much, it’s down to the amputation, not being mobile enough or being able to exercise the way I used to, medication am on that causes weight gain, and have six beautiful, highly intelligent children, IBS, Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. So no not pizza, or sweets, although am partial to crisps – but only salt and vinegar though.

Finally add my age. I am past…. Well… Pretty much everything according some people. Having fun, flirting, University, cosplaying, going to events, being a nerd just to name a few. Oh and we can’t forget the best one, the fact I have six kids. Obviously I only had them to scrounge off the tax payer and the state, because, you know I have NEVER EVER worked…yea so the last 31 years must have all been a dream then? Going to work with plasters on after major surgery to my feet, back at work three month after a double below knee amputation, signing on at the dole to look for work whilst waiting for a fitting for new legs, going to interviews with my stump boards on and no legs….I could go on but what’s the point.

Now if you add all of this together, you end up being treat like shit, ignored and feeling inside that you are unattractive, unappealing, waste of space and a sub human, non-sexualized as you don’t count.  

You are left wondering why you bother trying to live your life like everyone else or try to enjoy what others do. You give up trying to make an effort with your hair, makeup or clothes – why should you? No one cares, no one notices you are still treat less than anyone else who puts in less effort.  You are left wondering “ should I starve myself to try and force my body to lose weight? “ or “ who cares, why should I care what I eat any more instead of restricting myself and being good – sod it – am going to stuff my face, makes no difference any way does it? Still going to be seen and treat the same way.

You’re not seen as a person or a women you feel like you are seen as nothing more than a lump in a wheelchair, an inconvenience, someone to either feel sorry for or to ignore because you don’t know what to say are how to react ( for future reference, the same as you do to anybody else who isn’t in a chair !), hey I get it, who the hell would want to be reminded just how fragile life is, that this is something that could happen to anyone at any time on any day. No one wants that shit rubbed in their face now do they.

There are a lot of people banging on about equality in recognising disabilities as not all are visible. I get this, I really do people need to understand that the person using the blue badge may look perfectly healthy but they could just be having a good day, or have some health issue you are not aware about, so it is unfair to say they do not deserve that blue badge and parking space. But I often wonder if it’s not easier having an invisible illness or disability? No one knows unless you tell them. Until that point, or even maybe after that point as well with it not being visible and in their faces, people treat you no different. You’re a woman / man, attractive, a sexual being who likes compliments and being flirted with who is capable and people wouldn’t be surprised if you went to university or got married, had a job or started your own business.

You see, am so used to this crap that most days I can ignore it, but there are days I cannot. This weekend whilst working I could not. In your personal life being treat like that is bad enough, but when it is in your professional life. When you are looked down on and treat differently to all the other professionals who are there for the same reason just because you are in a wheelchair, with no legs. When, for the same reasons, you are blocked from interviews that have already been arranged, that you are made to feel that your business isn’t good enough, big enough or the people you write for are not important enough, that’s bad….real bad.

INSPIRATION

So I have read a lot lately about people with disabilities being other people’s inspiration.  However, this seems to be getting a lot of disabled peoples backs up. There are lots of comments along the lines of how degrading it is, how we are inspiring to others by just living our lives or patronizing it is to be told how “inspiring” they are.

Well for what it’s worth, here is my opinion on it.

I feel quite good about being some ones inspiration to be honest. If what I manage to do can help someone else, motivate them to achieve something or just to keep going. Then good. Am glad. Able bodied or not, I am happy if I guilt you into not complaining or getting up off your arse to do something. I feel elated and ecstatic if I can make just one person say “if she can do it then so can I “.

Disabilities come in different forms, some we are born with and some happen due to accidents and illness, but how ever or whatever has happened to us, it changes our lives in so many ways. I am not afraid to admit that even though I was born with a disability, unless it involved standing for long periods or walking a distance, I never really saw myself as disabled as it did not interfere with my day to day life (unless you count not being able to wear shoes from a shoe shop as my shoes had to be made by the hospital for me).

Since the last amputation however, I now consider myself disabled, as not only does it impact on my day to day living it has a major impact in all areas of my life and everything and anything I want to do. I do struggle to do things like walk around the house, make a cuppa tea, cook a meal, showering, stairs are a complete right off, nights out, shopping, hell getting into and around some shops and premises can be an Olympic sport in itself!

So, yes, if me managing to live my life, getting through the day and doing normal day to day things without help, if holding down a job or gaining a university degree when the odds are stacked against me, which makes things more difficult to do what other people take for granted, helps other people who are disabled to believe in themselves or someone who is not disabled feel more motivated to do something then that makes me happy.

SHOWMASTERS FILM AND COMIC CONVENTIONS

SHOWMASTERS FILM AND COMIC CONVENTION MANCHESTER

21^ST – 22^ND OF MAY 2016 EVENT CITY.

Review by Darren Green photography by Annabelle Clark.

Written by Jennifer Clark

Yet again Event City played host to Showmasters Film and Comic Convention in Manchester.  We sent down two volunteers to scope the venue out, review the event and talk to the cosplayers, attendees and the guests. So off went Annabelle and Darren on the Megabus early on a Saturday morning at 6 am to spend the day at the convention.

The venue was very spacious and easy to navigate for someone in a wheelchair. There where spare wheelchairs near to the entrance of the venue along with the toilets which were very spacious and also extremely accessible. For a change at an event like this there was also plenty of room in the aisle to access vendors, making it relatively easy for wheelchair users or families with prams to move around and view the wares on display.

As usual Showmasters offer free carer tickets upon application (good idea to send a copy of a carer’s letter for proof) for their events which allows one person to access the event for free when accompanying someone who needs assistance to attend an event like this due to ill health or disability. Like other events Showmasters have ran there was no area where someone could take a break if over stimulated, over stressed due to sensory overload and no changing facilities were noticed for older children or adults who may need personal care other than the standard baby changing facilities. Also there was no indication of anywhere for someone in a wheelchair or unable to stand for long periods to obtain a slip giving them preference or return time for autographs and pictures.

This ever popular event was very busy with queues lasting all day for guest’s autographs with the line-up including Michael Biehn best known for his role as Kyle Reese in Terminator and corporal Hicks in Aliens, Ken Kirzinger from Freddy Vs Jason, Noel Clarke from Dr Who and Star Trek and Dave Prowse best known as Darth Vader in Star wars along with many others. Staff where plentiful and available at all times coming across as very calm being able to direct you to where you needed to be and how to help with any issues you might be experiencing. Everything at the event was very well signposted so easy to find and as cosplaying is becoming ever more popular Showmasters had set aside an area for people to change and store their bags and was easily accessible for any one in a wheelchair. Both Darren and Annabelle got changed at the venue into their cosplay outfit and set out to brave the  crowds to look into every nook and cranny, interview attendees cosplaying and non-cosplaying and hopefully some guests to find out what they thought of the event, cosplaying and services on offer.

So Darren managed to talk to some fellow cosplayers regarding their views on the event.

He asked what people liked the most about cosplaying and attending the event and the general consensus was the atmosphere and how friendly everyone was, meeting new people who like the same things. Darren then asked how cosplaying made them feel. Again there were mixed answers to this but feeling that they are popular and people like them, giving them the confidence to approach people and ask questions were some of the most voiced reasons. Encouragement all round from cosplayers that he spoke to on anyone who is thinking of attending a Showmasters event in or out of cosplay and for those people who have always wanted to give it a go a resounding try it. I myself have attended conventions ran by Showmasters in cosplay in my wheelchair and have felt part of one big family where you are accepted no matter what.

So With the thumbs up from the cosplayers it was the turn of the general attendees and what they thought.  There was a mixed reaction regarding Cosplayers ranging from families who attend to see the costumes and the children who look forward to coming face to face with their heroes and posing for a picture and think they add to the event to people who thought that showmasters aimed to much towards the cosplaying community and not enough in providing bigger named stars outside of London or getting comic book artists to attend.

They managed to grab two minutes with legend Dave Prowse before leaving for the long lonely ride home on the mega bus. He was asked his opinion on people cosplaying as Darth Vader and cosplaying in general, if he thought it added to the conventions, “Yes it’s great to see someone dressed as Darth Vader and it is very flattering. Makes me feel like I have achieved something if I have instigated them to cosplay as a character I have played. Cosplaying is an accepted part of these conventions and I love seeing all the different costumes people attend in and all the hard work that has gone into making them.”

So as the sun sets over another successful day for Showmasters in Manchester our two intrepid reporters get changed and wearily tread off for the bus leaving fame and their adoring fans behind them to return to real life. When asked their personal opinions of the convention, services, staff and venue it was a huge thumbs up and well worth the early start.  So still room for some tweaking here and there and work on coordination, but definitely on the right path to make these shows more accessible to everyone.

A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME

****WARNING IF YOU ARE OVER SENSITIVE AND VERY PC YOU MAY FIND THIS A BIT CONTROVERSIAL*******

I have seen a lot of posts by people lately regarding how to address some one who is disabled or what to say /not say to them

 To be honest I find it all a bit silly

 Am not the most Politically correct person out there but as far as am concerned calling me by my name is fine. Honestly I will even answer to "thingy" or "you" even "Fred" just try not to use Jennifer too much as when I get my full name it usual means am in trouble.

I get it, some people feel that being called "wheelchair bound" "disabled" or "handicapped" (too be honest although am not fussed I try to refrain from the last one as it seems a bit degrading). They feel that these terms and others define them or that they are being defined by their disability. I am an amputee because I have had an amputation, but that does not define who I am. Am lots of things (play nice now), am a mother, wife, daughter, student, blogger, Therapist as well. I am however bound to my wheelchair to some degree, without my wheelchair I would not get very far at all or get out so the term "wheelchair bound" is accurate as far as am concerned. Disabled to me is accurate as well there are lots of things I can not do and I am not abled bodied either.

why do people get so bent out of shape by these terms and the use of them?

I have a theory ( and no its not about bunnies! and if you get that reference high five.).

From most (not all and am by no means taring every one with the same brush here), of the articles I have read there seems to be three types of people that find this terminology offensive:

"The do gooder" - People who have never suffered any kind of disability or health concern in their life but think they have the right to voice an opinion on this subject as an expert.

"The world owes me" - People,  who for what ever reason,  have become more and more bitter over time due to their disability or illness. They feel, rightly or wrongly,what has happened/wrong  to/ with them that it is every bodies fault ( I get this to some degree, its not easy to keep a positive outlook going every single day when you feel so useless and / or limited by whats wrong and the world will not accept you for you and most activities or places are not accessible, every one has their off days). But really? The world doesn't owe you jack squat mate! Yes maybe a helping hand now and then to do things or access places.  Use what you have to your advantage, make the most of it and start living because before you know it life has just passed you by.

"My life is over or why cant this have happened  to some one else"  -  People who have ended up with an illness or becoming disabled later in life through no fault of their own. Again I understand. One minute being healthy and able to do any thing or go any where, your future looking bright and shinny and the world at your feet, to within 24 hours having all this ripped away from you. It is a hard pill to swallow. It is also a bloody hard thing to get used to and come to terms with -  fighting pain, depression, friends walking away because they don't know how to react or cope, people staring, suddenly having limits put on as to what you can do, places you can go or even things you can wear.  ( I went through all of this for nearly a year and a half then decided I had enough. Now I wear what I want, I pimp my prosthesis and rock Darth Vader on one of them, wear shoes that make people stare and generally make the world bend to me.) I understand that this takes time , but some people just never adjust, adapt and learn to live with it they are too busy lamenting what they have lost.

How about instead of trying to define what we should and should not be called or what "boxes" "abled" bodied people put disabled people in, or in fact whether or not people should or should not help us with bags or opening bloody doors for us , why don't we just agree that we are just people with a difference? What terminology is used really doesn't matter does it? not unless it is meant in a bullying, nasty, creepy kind of demoralizing way. Unless some one is deliberately putting you down you define who you are, you put the limits on yourself its not a "us" and "them" thing, or at least it shouldn't be. The government have already tried to turn society against us people do not need to be helping them to do that. The next time some one asks what you like to be called make a joke or light of it , it an only offend if you choose to let it. The next time some one offers you help be grateful and smile, the next time some one opens a door for you say thank you you ungrateful git. The barriers are there and they will never go if people start to make other people feel uncomfortable to approach or help, terrified to say anything to us or engage with us or even invite us some where in case they offend, upset or seen to discriminate.

THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS

Nearly at the end of March already, who would believe it. I still maintain that this year will be my year for things to work and the last two month has just been a practice run. Guess we will have to wait and see.
As you are aware if you have been following my blog ( and if you haven't why not? get reading now!), This year has not had the best of starts. However three month in and things may be slightly starting to improve.

Caught up with University work and came out with a first for my Academic Mentor presentation which was great and after my personal development meeting, found out that I might not be as screwed as I thought I was with moving on to the final year. Although if all these health issues and my dads issues had not had to be dealt with what kind of grades would I be clearing? So it is with extreme caution that I apply for my final year of finance for my degree. But what comes next? For most students this would entail a masters or PHD or perhaps getting a job, but what about some one with chronic health issues such as myself? What do I do?Well I guess that is the question isn't it. Like so many others out there in the same situation (OK I admit there are people out there who do take the piss), I really want to work, even if its part time. Here is the problem, even part time I know there will be more times spent off then in and looking at my health issues most employers will take one look at me and will pass me over nor have the time, money or patience to put up with it.
So that leaves working for myself, but what as, how? The Psych Twins was supposed to be the start of that the whole, if Mohammad can't get to the mountain then the mountain will come to Mohammed thing, but with out grants/funding and being able to get contracts its all pie in the sky, a great service I keep getting told, that is greatly needed, but no money to do what we want with it, pay ourselves a wage or hire others.

So where dose that leave me? Well back at the beginning, on ESA, unemployable despite all my skills and training, just take a look at my CV (go on take a look you will find it on my LinkedIn Profile), despite the outward appearance of a withered, useless body ( I sometimes see myself as a female "Jabba The Hut" ) there is a mine of pure knowledge, skill and enthusiasm just waiting to be tapped into. This then leads to the "what's it all for then?" phase. The point at which you relaise that you are of no use, not even to yourself. You need help at home, help to go into education and help to hold down a job (if you could actually get some one to give you a chance) and the government is slowly tearing that all away from you any way.
This then moves into the "isolation" phase. As some one who has numerous illnesses/ health issues, going out socially is not a thing. Even if I had any one who would offer me to go out socially there is the accessibility of the venue and how good or bad am feeling on the day. ( All the offers of being invited places, even by family and friends dropped off after it became apparent that to invites some one out who has to use a wheelchair 90% of the time is just to darn pesky to organize. Especially if it means that one of you have to be responsible for helping said person and good god you might have to change the venue/pub route/restaurant to make sure its accessible etc etc ...you get the picture). So if you take going to university away, I leave the house once a week with my husband...maybe to look around the shops and any drs and hospital appointments. What does that mean realistically? If am lucky I will get out once a week maybe once every two/three weeks. WOW exciting life !

This then leads into the final stage..depression. yep. What more can I say about his phase, well nothing really, its all been said before. You can't see anyway out. Nothing is going to get any better, because there is nothing you can do to make it any better. No diet, exercise regime or will power is going to change those illnesses so you can go out to work, therefore get out more socially, have money to enjoy life, get  mortgage, move up in the world etc etc. No way of being a good little citizen just like the government want you to be. So you are labeled a scrounger, a waste of space, useless and society look down on you, and the government? well they just keep taking benefits away from you making it harder and harder to function on a day to day base, telling you to "get a job" "loose weight" "exercise" "this is how to improve your life and your credit"..we know! but we can't can we no one will let us.

Money wise, am lucky my husband runs his own business which ticks along for us, so things don't effect me as much as some people I know  - disabled and non disabled. I would love to go back to work, hold down a job doing something I would enjoy, bringing home a wage and getting off benefits. I dream of getting  a mortgage and owning my own house, done out to my specification no expense spared, holiday every year never mind twice a year instead of saving for 2 year to go away for  2 weeks (meaning no treats for the kids, no weekend breaks as a couple, no date nights, no family days out, no new clothes , going no where during the summer holidays etc etc).... and yes for those out there who follow my profile on Facebook I save to go to Florida and am well aware there are people who cant afford a weekend away, I did say am lucky.......to have more of a social life with my family and  friends rather then wondering if am getting out the house for an hour or two in the next 14 days.

Who knows maybe things will turn around. Maybe funding will come in and I can finally get The Psych Twins off the ground the way I want too and make a wage that way. Maybe my health will improve and I will get a job or there is some employer out there who will let me freelance as a writer or something and come in when I can for a wage.

Maybe I will become a tv personality and be on political shows and news program or have my own show. Maybe I will become a famous author. Maybe I will get the acting offer I cant refuse because of my unique physique as an amputee. and matronly and northern..yea OK the least of the lot to come true. All I do know is that I will keep on trying, wishing and dreaming. Oh and am getting an electric wheelchair ! so bright side I get to any future Film and Comic Conventions I can play a Darlek....

......................Que Dr Who theme music.........

HAPPY NEW YEAR !... CAN I START AGAIN?

January is the same every year. No money , nothing to look forward to, dark nights, grey days etc etc. But people every where tend to make the same resolutions, new year new me, starting the gym, stopping smoking, going on a diet and my personal favorite, this year will be better.... well am still waiting. I have decided to put January as a trail and the New Year for me doesn't start until February,
( knowing my luck though this will persist until June or something and I sill be putting the previous 5 month as "just a trail").

As soon as the clock chimed midnight on the 31st it all went to pot.
Dad kicked off.
Stress levels through the roof
Arguments
Health issues escalated
And I ended up missing a deadline for the first time ever !

Dad was refusing his carers which resulted in more arguments between him and my sister, leading to my sister being more stressed out. On top of this he was forgetting to pay his bills becoming more and more in arrears with his electric and gas. He was refusing any form of personal care or hot food and decided to rip the telecare monitor out.

Thankfully I have managed to get his social worker to do a review of the services and he has agreed to paying his bills by direct debit which am arranging for him, the telecare has been reconnected ( although he is still refusing to wear the call button, but small steps.) and he has agreed to keep the carers for the morning and night who will help him with the porridge for breakfast and a sandwich for his supper. Still not winning on the personal care front but I am grateful for the small things at the moment. The one thing through out this that has really annoyed the hell out of me is the way that so called "care professionals" talk to the elderly, vulnerable and disabled. I noticed when she was talking it wasn't too my dad but at my dad, which I thought was horrendous and extremely disrespectful. He may have dementia but he is still a person. Whilst she was talking about him to his partner or to me it was if he wasn't in the room. His whole body language was sad, defeatist as if to say " I may as well not be here, no one listens to me". That got me thinking about how people talk to me. When am in the wheelchair, which fair enough is most of the time now, I get talked at or instead of asking me a question they ask who ever is pushing me, as if am invisible There is also a difference from when am in the wheelchair and out of it. I don't get talked at but I do get talked down to, as if because my legs are missing somehow this included my intelligence and being to understand anything. Talking to my sister the other night on the phone and she mentioned something similar. If her partner mentions that she has had a brain tumor or surgery people treat/talk to her differently .
Why?
Is this just lack of training on behalf of the professionals, or do they just become so worn down by seeing the same thing day in and day out that it is robotic and automatic? Is it just human nature to look down on the infirm and the disabled, see them some how as inferior, less then human. Is it a simple case that evolution dictates that we over look these people or try less as there is no gain, the genetics are faulty therefore we are over looked? ( see, told you I was studying psychology).

The cardiologist went well I thought. Heart trace was normal and no sign of a murmur and he is pretty certain that it is nothing linked to my talipes, ( people born with talipes can sometimes also have muscle issues in their legs, hip issues and/ or heart defects/issues). However it could be something called egtopic heartbeats or A.F ( arterial fibrillation?). So to rule anything out I have to have three tests carried out. One is a heart monitor for 72 hours, a echo gram of the heart and a ultrasound. So its going to be a few month of waiting before we get any final results. This of course means more stress and worry.( I do sometimes wonder if this might be payback for me labeling the heart the opposite way round during my physiology exam two year ago?).

Got the pain clinic appointment coming up in a few month, but to be honest do not see the point in going. Pain clinics tend to look at alternative ways of dealing with the pain to be used in conjunction or instead of pain killers. Tried them all before, didn't work then will not work now. So its back to the docs to look at upping the meds. Can't wait to see what that leads to !

Then to top things off, just as I thought nothing else could be thrown at me this year never mind this month I received a very unexpected letter. I have to go to the Northern Centre for Cancer to have genetic screening done. well, blow me down, ( trust me I said worse then that but am trying to keep this a 12 PA). So this will mean months of tests and waiting to see what the out come is. All of this just in time to return to university after the Christmas holidays for exams and deadlines. Not sure how this is going to impact on things or if I will even complete the degree .

Watch this space!

( I swear I should write a bloody book ! only problem is it would be put in the fiction section as no one would believe it. Soap operas have more realistic story lines then my life).

COMICS, HERO'S AND VILLAIN'S AND NO AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT

Its been a very busy weekend for The Amputee diaries, I along with DC Photography (my husband) and my daughter, we hit Film and Comic Con Newcastle this weekend.

Again we where lucky enough to be able to attend one of Showmasters celebration of all things film and geek. Lots of fun was had and we both entered the spirit of the occasion by Cos-playing for the two days. For anyone that is not aware what happens or what a Film and Comic Convention is all about or what Cos-playing is read on.

Cos-Playing put simply is when you dress up as your favorite character from a film, TV show, comic or game and these conventions are all about celebrating all things geeky and that is wonderful about these things we are passionate about. Now don't get me wrong some people take this very seriously indeed. Hours, days sometimes even months go in to making very detailed props and costumes that are screen accurate (not to mention money). Others do their interpretation of the character they have chosen to be, there is no right or wrong in this world where everyone is accepted and everyone is equal. Complete strangers are willing to pose for photos with you or on their own, where you get asked to pose for other people, where people are interested in how long it took you to make your head piece or instantly recognize who you are dressed as, family's can attend to have fun, little ones can dress up and pose with their favorite characters from film and comics, stuff that ordinary shops don't sell can be bought and for a fee you can get a photograph or autograph from a famous celebrity out of your favorite film or TV show, or your favorite author or artist from the comic world.

These events are great for meeting and making new friends, having a day out with the little ones or just collecting memorabilia and autographs. What ever your thing you will find it here. There is no judgement, there is gender bend costumes, home made costumes and professional Cos Players rubbing shoulders with non cos Players and stars of the big and little screen.  However it was sad to see that not many disabled people or wheelchair users at these events. There is help there, just well hidden which is where I come in. This weekend I only saw one other person in a wheelchair Cos Playing.

There is a darker side to the Conventions and believe it or not, regardless of how accepting they are bullying can sometimes still be an issue. Speaking to a lot of Cos Players over the weekend, most get involved for the same reasons I
do, its freeing. A couple of hours not worrying about your disability, life, anxiety, depression, stress,
being accepted for who you are with like minded people.A lot talked about how they where bullied at school for various reasons and attending the conventions, Cos Playing has helped with that. Its helped them to see that there is nothing wrong with them it was the people who bullied them that had the problem. This is why it is so sad to see it happening between Cos Players, especially in an environment where you should feel safe.  Its sad to say that some of the  Cos Players (mainly at the bigger cons), do suffer from bullying, why? because their costumes aren't screen accurate, because they are showing  too much flesh or because some one thinks they are the wrong shape or size to play a certain character, this can put some people off from Cos Playing for the first time as they may already be anxious or stop some one from doing it again, words hurt, but this will be something I will cover in a different blog when doing another review for a  convention.

So if this event is so great to be why haven't I heard of it? I hear you scream (or you should be screaming). These kinds of things do not seem to be advertised main stream so unless you know some one who attends them or you are into the Marvel world, DC fanatic or Star wars Fan you may have missed the opportunity to attend one till now. My first convention was back in March 2015 at Newcastle at a Showmasters event. I was hooked. I had heard of the conventions the most famous one being the San Diego one in the US (if anyone would like to donate a ticket or press pass for that one it would be appreciated) but had never thought to go to one, why? because I was disabled and in a wheelchair.

I am always aware that not all places are accessible and like most people who have a disability I panic and therefore try to plan in advance for every eventuality even down to the smallest detail. Will there be an accessible entrance? where is it? will there be lifts? can I get round the stalls?  where are the toilets? will they be big enough to get in with my wheelchair? what happens if I want a photo with the celeb? the list is endless. Now I think I know what you might be thinking here - But aren't all venues accessible now due to the disability act? No funny enough they are not. This could be due to the age of the building, it being listed or just bad design etc. I once went to book a hotel in London who claimed to be accessible but had steps up to the front entrance, their answer was some one could come out and carry me up the steps ????? You also have to think about the people who organize these events. Disabled accessible might mean the doors are wide and there is a wide disabled toilet and  lift. They don't think about other things like, getting up to the front entrance, is the toilet wide enough to get a wheelchair in and another person if a carer is needed? how easy is it to get to the lift? are the aisles wide enough, getting around equipment and most importantly (to me anyway), do the staff know how to deal with this? Now a lot of disabled people don't mind asking for help or even accepting help but there are some who don't want to ask some one else for help or accept it  when help is offered or who want to be as independent as possible when out and about and this is what event organizers need to be aware of as well as their staff and volunteers.

So off I went to my third comic con that Showmasters have organised. The one in March I found very confusing, was un aware of what help was available and don't even mention trying to get around the stalls to look ! The second one was up in Glasgow which I thought the venue was excellent, downside however was the lack of information from staff and the lack of staff to be honest.
The venue in Newcastle is the Metro Arena  very good and very accessible, The parking is £5 per day for the full day unless you have blue badges then it is free. However the disabled parking spaces are limited. Access into the venue is good and there are plenty of staff on hand to open doors and help you in. Every thing for the convention is on the level and showmasters got everything right this time. There was enough space to get around the food stands, accessing the prop shoots was easy enough, with enough room to maneuver around the area. Although I didn't have any photos with stars taken this time and it will always be like a conveyor belt, access and staff helpfulness though was excellent. Whilst David was having a photo shoot with Colin Baker they took me down  to wait at the other side for him collecting his picture with out any fuss or awkwardness.

This year they had added changing rooms for male and female cos players which where situated upstairs but where accessible to everyone via a lift if needed. The registration desk was accessible and the staff helpful and informative. I learnt that they have an email address to contact should you need extra help ( I will put it at the end of the blog), carers can go free with no restrictions on buying photo ops or autographs or taking part in any talks, Some evidence my be required such as DLA letter, Carers letter or a photo copy of you blue badge. You will also be given a slip of paper which you  can then show to the pit bosses, who wear red. This will get you help and access to  all photo shoots as quickly as possible, enter any autograph queue without needing a virtual ticket. This was a brilliant idea, shame no one informed us of this at Glasgow. Also found out that should you have a child or adult with ASD or ADHD that needs a quiet place to calm down then they will be able to sort that out as well.
There are disabled toilets on either side on the ground floor that are accessible with the use of a radar key. There are staff on hand that have the key. On one side the person was next to the disabled toilet but on the other side there was no one around and my daughter had to walk to the bottom of the corridor to the nearest person in a yellow coat to ask who had the key. Luckily it was her but had it been some one else that could have been a huge problem, especially for some one on their own or who could not be left unattended or who had any kinds of control issues. My advice bring your own key as I believe radar keys are all the same but check. The other downside was where to get the key from was not made obvious.
Nothing was said at the front desk and there where no notices on the door of the toilet

or wall. The person I spoke to showsec?? Refused to answer any questions on disability training etc as they had been told not to give any interviews, very strange.

The lay out of the room was much better this time, The big blue boards that they had at the end of each aisle had gone and for some reason the aisles looked more spaced out. That could have been down to this event being quieter then the one at Glasgow and in March at Newcastle, but the difference was amazing ! easy to get around, get to the traders and plenty of staff on hand to help out. Bravo Showmasters you might have cracked this  venue. However I would be very interested to see how they work at other venues like  London, Brighton or Manchester. I mean do they follow the same training and format for all staff? if so at the registration in Glasgow why wasn't I told about the extra help? How come in March nothing was signposted for disabled use? These are things that still need to be worked on in my opinion.

I also would love to go to other organizers events to compare who they deal with disability issues etc so watch this space as we will try to get answers there as well. Having looked at MCM, Hero Conventions and Rogue Events there is not a lot of information, Showmasters have the email address to contact if there is an accessibility or health concern. Rogue have a contact email to register a carer to go for free or they charge a large fee to have a pa available to you should you be on your own, However unlike show masters the carer is not allowed to purchase photo ops or autographs unless they have bought a full price ticket, bit harsh if you ask me. MCM and Hero convention there is no mention of disabled access, families or carers and under contact there is a general inquiry email address. Of course there is also comparing it to how the USA deal with their comic cons and disability issues, carers or families with special needs, so again something I would love to  take a look at.

To be honest I think these conventions and businesses should take things like this more seriously. At the end of the day who knows how much business you could be missing out on? Employers should be thinking about this as well because as we are well aware the government are determined to cut benefits and are deeming all and sundry fit for work, if so is your company disabled friendly? are your staff trained on how to talk to some one about mental health or how to approach offering help to some one in a wheelchair? I don't think they are. Every where I go it is disturbing to see just how many businesseswrite off the disabled customer /user. Think about it .

You can see more images from the Film and Comic Con Newcastle by going to thepsychtwins.bravesites.com or http://dcphotographysunderland.photofolio.org/

For more information on Showmasters go to http://www.showmastersevents.com/

To contact Showmasters for extra help conatact Samatha at extrahelp@showmastersevents.com