2 days to go

well its the early hours of Saturday morning and its my birthday.

so apart from the world coming to an end what else is happening? I hear you shout!

Well Its only 2 more sleeps before I go into hospital and I am petrified!!  Still doing the decolonistion thingy and now have started the hormone tablets as well. Everything bought in for the hospital just need a dongle now which david is going to get for me later on as for the first few days I will more then likely not know who I am never mind where I am.

Its Jennifers getting leg less party tonight, but really don't feel in the mood any more.  David reckons I will be fine and that I have just got myself a little wound up and a little down about going in on Monday.  Hes probably right.

Rang the hospital tonight to confirm everything and my admission time on Monday, its all in place and I am a morning admission 8am so I wont even get to see the kids off to school.

That's something else that is killing me as well, leaving the kids mainly the younger ones to be honest.  Eden who is 5 had me blaring my eyes out yesterday. She has been acting out lately and we think it is linked to me going into hospital. I pulled her to one side and told her that I needed her to be strong as she would have to supervise the eldest two and help daddy whilst I was in hospital.  She started to get teary eyed then her lip wobbled and she burs in to floods of tears !!
"mammy please don't go into hospital, I don't want you to go into hospital" I tried to explain to her whilst trying to hold back floods of tears my  self , telling her that I could do a lot more things with her once I  had new legs to which she replied that I didn't need new legs and it was alright I could just sit in my wheelchair as daddy would push me and I could sit and watch her play in the park! - what do you say to that?

That really hit me where it hurt!

Update

well mixed feelings and emotions right now.  Started the decolonisation today so that has brought things home to me a bit more. What a carry on though.

Had a shower using the sterile lints.  Then had to put this foam on my body and my hair.  I have to do that  every morning now until I go in on Monday. Then it was the mouthwash, it was disgusting!! I have to gargle with this twice a day. Next was the turn of the nasal gel, now that was interesting.   3 times a day I have to put a dollop into each nostril  and pinch my nose together.  All this together should help to prevent me catching or kill any germs I could be  carrying of  MRSA when I have my operation.

I have also had Social Services on from the hospital checking on equipment that I will need for coming home.  This is a change as the last time we heard nothing from them and where left to sort everything out ourselves.  This involved fighting with the social services and OT to get the equipment we needed. The wheelchair with stump boards being the  hardest to get a hold of. At least this time we will have the wheelchair for me going into hospital or at least a couple of days after.  This fills me with more confidence then it did the last time.

Mood wise? I don't know really. I feel that I should be stressing or something but am not.  Maybe I am on the inside because I have noticed that this week I have become short tempered and I get irritable quicker. My patients seems to be none existing. But in my head I feel all non pulsed about it. Bizarre.

Trying to keep myself busy I have been trying to market David's Photography business.  And I have to dye his hair.  Not to be left out he is having a very good friend of ours dread his hair to look like Sephiroth!
To top all of this off there is the infamous "Jennifer getting legless party " on Saturday to celebrate my forth coming amputation and birthday.

Today I feel kind of flat.  I have tried to stay motivated and happy but the day has conspired against me am afraid and all I feel now is low, grumpy and bad tempered.

Can you believe it !!

Well here I am again and its one week to go!

Been to the hospital for my pre assessment and I think everything has went OK although I still have to have my ECG done. I have been prodded and poked all over, and swaps taken in places that no one should have a swap shoved !! But at least I know they are being thorough, it gives me some peace of mind.  When I was in nearly 5 years ago it was no where near as thorough. Some one took one vial of blood, they asked if you where on any medication and  they weighed you and took your blood pressure, then that was it .

Been told to stop taking the Vitamin's as the one to help my immune system and the one for the Arthritis in the knees as they cause issues with the anesthetic.  Also as from Wednesday I have to de contaminise my self its called skin decolonisation. Basically I have to have a shower every day for 5 days using this special shower gel that is also used on the hair, I have sterile individually wrapped clothes to use, mouth wash I have to use 3 times a day and nasal drops/spray that I have to squirt up my nose 3 times a day. lovely!I have also been advised that I will be in ICU for a couple of days after the operation as well.

I have to be honest and tell you that am now starting to get nervous.  I suppose its only natural, after all am only human (unless you are my kids who don't think so).  I miss work as sad as that sounds and am scared of how much things are going to change for me. The amount of time I will have off means that work will have changed as I will be out of the loop for so long. Things I do now and take for granted now will change again, socially things will change again there as I will have to build up my confidence all over again not to mention learning to walk again.

At the moment when I think about it and about the fact that it is only a week away, I get that knotted feeling in my stomach, that goes along with the butterflies you sometimes get.  I am going to try to fit a V log in soon and the morning of the operation before I leave am hoping to be able to sit here and let you know first hand what is going through my mind, am also planning a V log before I leave for the hospital and if possible one from the hospital.

On a lighter note some of you may be aware that I am now sporting a rather snazzy head full of colorful dreads . I cant wait to see the nursing staffs faces not to mention the doctors lol