IT COULD ONLY HAPPEN TO ME

yet again it has been an eventful time for me.  I am beginning to think that "quiet" "normal" or "smoothly" applies to me and mine.

I think the biggest news is that I have finally got my legs back. So have been in touch with physio and have gone down on the waiting list. In the mean time I can put my legs on at home to get used to them as well as practicing standing up from the wheelchair  and putting weight through them when doing my boxing and weights.
Better news then last week when I got 3  streets away and realised that I hadn't picked them up!! Would the ambulance drivers go back for them..would they hell!! They where happier to take me all the way to the Freeman's for me to sit and do nothing.  Well that's not strictly true they weighed me and I had lost 4 and a half pound and found out that my new wheelchair, as well as being a nuisance to the ambulance service who complained constantly about trying to strap it in on the ambulance and refused to lift it over my step and tilted it instead even though i told them about my fall, didn't fit in the Freeman disabled toilets.  You can imagine the mood when I got home.  So I showed them and ate an Easter Egg.

I finally got up the guts to go out socially on a hen night last Friday. This proved to be interesting and quiet fun actually.  The hen of the night who is a long standing suffering friend had planned her route taking into account me and runs to the toilet etc.  All the pubs we went too where friendly, helpful and the toilets clean and accessible ( although if there was an award for the best it would be the Cooper Rose).  Over all I had a very fun night and didn't think about dancing from my wheelchair leaving me feeling like I had done a 48 hour workout at a gym 2 days later !! The one or two spoilers of the night ( and there always has to be one), was the lady who fell on me drunk and the man who thought that "people like that shouldn't be allowed in pubs and clubs".  To the lady who fell on me you could have at least replaced my drink and to the man who complained about me being there , karma is a bitch so watch out !!! You still have time ahead and you never know what is around the corner.

Well the grant form has gone and we have been awarded the grant for the ramp, surveyor been out and now just waiting for the work to start, however that could be months yet.  Have been to the holiday company and have booked the wheelchair on as well as priority booking for me as things are so behind schedule now that it seemed the best thing to do.  Lets face it I don't think I will be fit enough to walk around the theme parks all the time, in fact I will probably be lucky if I manage half the day walking on and off.  Thinking of videoing the holiday from a disabled point of view for my Youtube account but that is still in discussion.

But just to round things up you would never guess what happened to me on Monday?  I swear you could not make this up for a soap. The taxi driver was getting me out of the taxi at work and was in a hurry. Because his doors where not wide enough for my new wheelchair he had to angle the chair.  As he was bringing the chair down the ramps( telescopic) the chair wheel went off the ramp taking the big wheel and chair with it and there was me hanging sideways off the top of this ramp ! The driver couldn't straighten me up but tried to continue to pull me down the ramp which resulted in more of the chair going over the side. At this point I was a wreck.  If it hadn't been for a lovely man at the bus stop who missed his bus to hold me up to stop me from falling I dread to think what would have happened.  He had to tell the taxi driver to lift me at the same time as him to get me off the ramps and on to the ground. When I got on the ground my Tyre had  been pulled off the rim completely, you have the taxi driver trying to ram it back on and pysio from the NHS down stairs in the building where I work down trying to sort me out and get me in the building on the rim.   Anyway they got me into the building on the rim of the wheel made sure i was alright and got me sorted with a repair from wheelchair services and sent me home.  Damage sustained was tyre off, buckled rim, lose break, twisted support bar and a very very shaken jen!! Thats twice now in 3 month but at least this time I didnt hit the ground but still........

Its back to work tomorrow and to say am nervous is an understatement !

LIMITATIONS

It's nice to be doing a job where I know what am doing and am left to get on with it. They are a lovely people I work with and are very helpful with time off for hospital ,doctor's and phsyio.  Which is good really as on Wednesday this week I collect my re made sockets, so hoping the fitting goes well and I can stand in them with out too much pain in order to start my rehab.

It means I may have to re adjust my hours at work which may put a strain on our finances especially with the holiday not far away.  Did I not tell you? ooh well its only 166 days till we fly.  Thinking of re starting the You tube videos again to document what it is like to try and go on holiday with a disability as well. The new wheelchair is working better for my job not so much lower back pain or leg pain but still some. So finally relented and going to go see the doctor about it.
Not sure what they can do about it though as have exhausted all the possibilities for the nerve damage. The next ones are the big hitters such as the morphine types and the patches and not sure how that is going to effect me and working.  Still waiting to hear from the DWP and Access to Work regarding my complaint, looks like am being ignored so may have to resend them.  Filling in the grant form to try and get  a different car,something I can transfer into.

Have been referred to Mr Talkani again since the fall as well just to make sure that there is no permanent  damage.  OT are due out next week to do an assessment on cost and the surveyor to see if it is possible to lower the door frame, so still in the process of trying to get a ramp fitted. At this rate I will be up and walking by the time they get round to it.

Off on a hen night next Friday around the town so that should be exciting and a new experience for me. Not sure how I feel about  it but my friend has looked at all the pubs and planned a route with me in mind...still though it will be the first time in a year I have gone out on my own in the wheelchair for a social reason, so a little nervous to say the least.

And on a final note my bug bear at the moment The Big Body Squad.  People getting all kinds of benefits, adaptations,help and re housing including having a house specially built for them....all because they are over weight!!!!!!!!!!!!! and me???nothing, ziltch, Zero!!!!

Maybe I should just give up work, and get fatter then  I am, sprog a few more kids, just for the hell of it and I just might get the help I need......just a thought.

FEELINGS

It could only happen to me.

Returned home from work to a phone call from the hospital to say that they may have misdiagnosed me and my leg may be broken !! can you believe it. So yet again I had to tell work that I couldn't come and as I explained it to them it did occur to me that I wouldn't believe me.  This is on top of being off  for week due to the fall, then a weekend of food poisoning, Trinity walking into a lamp post and having the Monday off for OT.
So off I trundle to the hospital had the x rays re done and leg looked at again to be told that what they thought was a break was in fact my old Bike accident scar from the 1980's.  Got to love the health service.

On a more serious note however they told me that the soft tissue damage is worse then they thought and they have no idea how this is going to effect me for walking again.  I have been referred to talkani to take a look as they may be some more cracks in the cut point of the amputation. Also spoke to the Freeman's who have told me that they will have to see how bad the nerves have been damaged and that will determine if I can wear prosthetics.

The Hyundi is also up for renewal soon so at the moment looking around for a new car. Can't get a WAV as thanks to the government I no longer have my DLA for life, so instead we are looking at a car from Nisssan.

Have also found out that my ex employer has slated me in a reference to my new employer saying that I was difficult, hard to manage, didn't get on with other staff and wasn't flexible. I was devastated.  So have explained everything to my new employer but my job could still be on the line as it is subject to a good reference.
Just lately all of this has been getting at me .  Some of  you may be aware of this if you are following me on facebook or twitter.  I admire anyone who has to live there life full time in a wheelchair.  It hasn't  even been a year yet and am ready to quit.  Just trying to do the simple things like cook, clean or  even sit a desk or table  is difficult never mind shopping, washing getting ready and getting around.
Going to work is a nightmare. So tired. It's not easy the ramps are steep and the toilet is on the ground floor, through two buzzer doors,  I am on .the 3rd floor. All I want to do is concentrate on getting better, loosing the weight, doing the physio and walking again but that's not to be.  If I don't work David has no business, the kids have no life and there is certainly  no Florida holiday. It seems to be that every time I try to do something to better our life, fate or the cosmos comes along and kicks me in the face.  Feeling so low at the moment. I try not to winge but I hate seeing my reflection in mirrors or when I go past windows. No matter how hard I try or how much effort I put into getting ready I still feel a mess and guess I look it too. I hate this chair. I am terrified am going to be stuck in this for life or that am not going to be walking by the time the holiday comes around ( if we get there).

Things suck at the moment